StonerDudee Funny Status Messages
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This morning I got in touch with my inner self. And that's also the last time I'll buy cheap toilet paper...
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Why are there stitch marks on zombies? Who's giving them medical attention?
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The girl at the Taco Bell drive thru gave me this "I know you're high" look. I snatched my 37 crunchy tacos and got out of there.
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Whenever you think your job sucks, remember; At least you're not the guy, at Instagram, that has to search for and delete all the d!ck pics.
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Bud light? No thanks. I'd rather light bud.
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What's longer than most relationships these days? This status.
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Hey Starbucks. If you gotta name your drinks with stupid language, don't roll your eyes when I order a gitchy gitchy yaya yaya mocha choca latte ya ya
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The Discovery Channel should be on a different channel every day.
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Truth hurts...but not as much as getting fingered by Edward Scissorhands
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Hey McDonalds, may I have some Coke with my ice?!
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My boss; Are you Tweeting? Me; No, I'm Tworking Boss; What? Me; Hello Tweeting while working Boss; That's not a real word Me; Twhatever
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Why are they called One Direction? Looks to me like they go both ways.
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Just bought a Hyundai but it's sonota big deal.
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Febreeze should make underwear.
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I do not have a drinking problem... people without arms have a drinking problem.
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I hate it when kids think I don't care about whatever the hell they were just talking about.
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I remember one time when I was high... I asked a cat if it could talk. It replied Me? How?
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When my kids ask what a word means, I tell them to bring me a dictionary. Then I smack them with it, and tell them to Google that sh!t.
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I am never more aware that I don't have boobs than when I'm paying for my own drink.
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That "speaking to another human being" feature on my phone has got to be my least favorite feature.
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