Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Sometimes there's a very thin line between "I should share this on Facebook with all my friends" and "I might want to seek private professional help for this"

   Billboard is wrong. The hottest single of 2018 is me.

   On new year's eve, tonight while counting down the last 10 seconds, Lift yout left leg so you start the new year out on the right foot, making all your troubles last as long as your New Year's resolutions! Happy new years guys! Be safe, please. 😘

   Fun fact: the tiny island of Tonga is one of the very first areas in the world to celebrate the New Year.

   Stock markets close out on worst year since 1931. Well, we did say we wanted to go back in time, to the good old days.

   Southers New Year's tradition is to eat black eyed peas, hog jowls or ham hocks, and collard greens on New Year's .

   The last place to celebrate the New Year's eve celebration is the tiny north pacific Island Midway Atoll with the population of about 60.

   My mom says hunnie your room is full of trash I be like mom my ex isn't here anymore

   I call my pecker Whitesnake because here I go again on my own.

   Just want to wish everyone a happy new year!....in case you missed the million posts before this one saying the same thing.

   I'm at the age where I don't party hard I party mildly.

   If a menu item costs a dollar, you give up all rights to complain about it, even if it has pubes in it...

   May the Kool-Aid be strong with you.

   Trump is an inspiration to me that an unattractive man can get a wife.

   If "HE" were an indian, his name would be Talking Buttocks.

   Make sure to put the letter "L" in the world clocks when you google grandfather clocks.

   I haven't failed, I just found several ways it won't work.

   How the hell did we go from “Mexico will pay for the wall” to not paying government workers until the American Taxpayers pay for the wall?

   The sooner you give up on me, the easier this will be for both of us.

   Show dominance on an airplane by calling the flight attendants bartenders.