Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Fake people are just as bad as fake breasts.....Only reason they exist is to make one feel better about themselves

   the world's oldest ww1 veteran just turned 108 today...he recently finished his fourth tour in Afghanistan.

   Confucius say: Man who go to sleep with sexual problem, wake up with solution in hand....

   living in my own little world, but its ok they know me here...

   Be normal, and the crowd will accept you. Be deranged, and they will make you their leader

   Learn from your parents' mistakes. Use birth control.

   Passion, manners, and 80 ounces of beer will win the heart of any woman. And if it doesn't, you'll be too hammered to remember

   Take the time to smell the roses. Sooner or later, you'll inhale a bee and die.

   No problem is so big and difficult that it can't be blamed on somebody else.

   Screwed-up people settle fights through violence. Screwed-up people start wars that could kill millions. Normal people settle fights through cookies, cakes, and pies. Normal people are fat.

   There's a one-in six-billion chance that you'll find your soulmate. And that's if they're not dead

   I don't fail. I succeed at finding what doesn't work.

   Friends teach you what you WANT to know. Enemies teach you what you NEED to know.

   Why did some make a 'Piñata Endangerment Awareness' group on facebook??

   Confucius he say, man who sit on tall toilet is high on pot...

   - Oh Facebook, you go through more Design Changes than I go through Women.

   Note to self, when meeting uncle Jack at the airport never scream "Hi Jack!!" ..again

   thinks playing COD with a laggy internet connection, is way harder than giving birth.

   dont cry because it is 0ver....smile because it happened..!!

   If you're happy, don't ask questions. Isn't that right ?