Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Strategies' are like women…some come quickly…some take some work…and some can have multiple outcomes…However, sometimes it is best to take matters into your own hands…

   Do those Jehovah Witness guys on the bicycles ride south for the winter? Hadn't seen them in awhile.

   I believe the children are our future... and after my last trip to Wal-Mart... I believe our future looks bleak...

   Do you think it's OK to cross out the word LOVE on a Valentines card and replace it with "WANNA F&@K"?

    Egyptian Pres. Mubarak finaly steps down. I think he was in denial--which coincidentally is where his body will be found if he doesn't move far far away..

   I hate you cheetos . You ruined all my good jeans .

   Hmmmm. Egypt's people protested and forced their president to resign...what's everyone doing this weekend?

   the orginal Peanut Butter Twix was so much better than the newer PB Twix.

   I was locked out of my girlfriend's house last night, so I decided to smash her back doors in. Good way to kill the time whilst we waited for the locksmith.

   Alright look...I'll be honest, those pants make your ass look like your inner child grew up, and decided to invite some friends over...

   thinks sometimes it's fun to ask someone how they are but then before they can respond say, "Anyway" and change the subject.

   just gave a woman my number in Roman numerals... if she figures it out, she's worth a shot.

   No facebook, I wanna know what's on your mind!

   Songs with sirens in them should not be allowed on the car radio as they trick me when i'm driving.

   Apparently Mubarak was trying to wait things out: " I will step down when the Cleveland Cavaliers win a game". I think he just realized he doesn't have all year to wait...

   If you ever find yourself thinking...man I really need to go out and buy myself a Clay Aiken cd...please delete me as a Facebook friend

   GTL,.......just had a grinder and a taco, and now bout to finish my laundry

   I wish I had chocolate socks! It would make my foot-in-the-mouth problem less traumatic!

   So Donald Trump is looking to run for president in 2012. I'd vote for him just to watch him tell Obama he's fired ;>)

   When I see professional clowns, mimes, or people who make balloon animals, I think of their relatives and how disappointed they must be.