Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Just got an email from MySpace asking, "Where Have You Been?" Well MySpace, it hasn't been 2006 in a while.

   In the past, when you were angry with someone, you fought them. Now you just defriend them on Facebook.

   I have watched CSI, NCIS, Law and Order, Lie To Me, Criminal Minds and Unusual Suspects. I can kill you 18 ways with a paperclip and not leave forensic evidence.

   I remember when downloading a song meant trying to tape it off the radio while hoping the DJ didn't talk over the song.

   I hate when I look horrible in a group picture and the person that looks good refuses to delete it.

   disappointed that 25% of prostitutes use Facebook to solicit clients and not a single one has ever contacted him!

   after all is said and done, a lot more will have been said than done.

   Buddy of mine said, “you need to take the bull by the horns”….I told him that he should go first, and after they put the bull down for mauling him, I'd just take him with steak sauce….smarter not harder folks….

   Why is it when opportunity knocks on your door, it knocks only once. But temptation... That b*tch leans on the damn door bell!

   If anything I post offends you, please bring it to my attention so I can delete you off my friends list.

   She draws me in with a hypnotic glance, rips off my shirt, throws me up against the wall, presses her body against mine and whispers in my ear... GOT CHOCOLATE?

   I want to know... when someone says they are going to kick your ass, why do they punch you in the face?

   When it all said and done there will be nothing left to say or do.

   When the kids wander around the house I can just see them thinking, "what can I f*ck up?"

   I saw a guy walking through two feet of snow in sub-zero temperatures to get to the florist. He must have really f-cked up.

   Just saw a commercial for a new show called The Unpoppables...one of the guys in the show said: "There is a thin layer of rubber between success and failure." That should be the new slogan for MTV's 16 and Pregnant...

   I would love to see everything, anyone has ever written to me, but backspaced before sending.

   Mubarak to remain in office: " I will step down when the Cleaveland Cavaliers win a game"

   been to the same shop every week for the last year just to buy Milk. Now I have 52 copies and I wouldn't even call myself a Sean Penn fan.

   Do you like apples? You do? Well....shut up.