Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Dear Egypt, please don't destroy the pyramids. We won't rebuild. - The Jews.

   no matter the outcome of tonights game big ben will still have time to corner a 20 year old in the bathroom after

   I want you to be you, but when you being you affects me being me, that's when I have a problem with us being us.

   Latest survey's shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world's population

   Hates it when he gets to his exit on the freeway. It's such a turn off.

   Someone needs to brew a great beer and call it “Roses”! That way when you show up at your ladies door with a card and a dozen roses, you know at least you're going to have a great time!

   HA! got the dallas cowboys broadcasting the superbowl. "thats the only way the cowboys can get to the superbowl"

   hoping for a Fergie Wardrobe Malfunction Today!!!

   you know your a Packer Fan When Your Porch Collapses and it kills more than 5 dogs!!!

   just wanted to say thank you for having that physically disabled license plate on ur car and letting me know in advance that you have no idea how to drive

   Sarah Palins name is becoming so big, That she can no longer see Russia from her house.

   People compare the super bowl to the daytona 500, thats BS people dont watch the race at home for the comericals...

   Really disappointed that Disney on Ice has nothing to do with liquor. Anyone want some stupid show tickets?

   thinks if you are the fortunate one to sing our National Anthem at the SUPERBOWL, then shouldn't you at least know the lyrics? fail, BIGTIME!

   Superbowl: the only time in a year that you tell people to be quiet because a commercial is on.

   With so many interceptions you'd think we were watching Brett Favre play.

   thinking maybe Doritos can bring back my love life like it did for Grandpa...

   Bill O'reilly, you are interviewing the President of the US, not Lindsay Lohan. Let the man finish a thought would you? douchebag.

   If only Slash could have played for the other 13 minutes it would have been a great halftime!

   "I gotta feeling... that tonight's gonna hurt the Black Eyed Peas"