Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I was asked to contribute money to help solve the civil unrest in Egypt, but I suspect it's some sort of pyramid scheme.

   Whats the over/under on mentions of Favre during tonight's broadcast? Ah, it doesn't matter I'll take the over on that regardless. Its nearly a sure thing. .

   Starbucks isn't really that expensive when you you consider what Victoria Secret charges per cup...

   I can't completely hate on Valentine's Day since its ending signifies the beginning of Cadbury Egg season, one of the greatest seasons EVER!

   "Lets eat Grandpa" - "Lets eat, Grandpa" - Moral of the story? Commas save lives......

   reading the latest edition of Better Homes & Gardens while wearing a Mexican wrestling mask.

   School taught me one thing i'll never forget..........how to text without looking

   Thanks for posting those pics. Are you trying to seduce me?!

   you know your getting old when you hurt yourself sleeping

   superbowl-- the only time I actually look forward to watchin commericals.. .

   I hate it when you accidentally scrub a Healing wound cuz you forgot its there.

   I don't watch the 10 hr pregame show. My guess it gets to point where they analyze what flavor Gatorade each team will be serving and why.

   Happy Birthday to all those ladies that their men forgot about because it falls on Super Bowl Sunday this year.

   The question isn't "what are we going to do," the question is "what aren't we going to do?"

   Just once I'd like the ref to say "Heads you live, Tails you die" before the coin toss.

   Its not the snow, its the shoveling that will get ya.

   snowblowing from his driveway into his keeping me awake with music neighbor's driveway.

   haw-yee! Said the dyslexic cowboy.

   the longest yard is that space between me and the nacho dip

   DEAR FACEBOOK, TODAY WOULD BE A GREAT DAY TO PUT A DISLIKE/I HATE THE STEELERS/GO JUMP OFF A BRIDGE STEELERS FAN "BUTTON" Thank you - 95% of the county, hell Canada too....