Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Wikileaks latest release: Wikileaks latest release: Up-Up, Down-Down, Left-Right, Left-Right, B-A, START.

   We live in the W.T.F generation = W-wikipedia T-twitter F-facebook ;)

   don't want FOP Damn it, I'm a Dapper Dan Man!

   The older I get, the older old is.

   Sure, sure, Egypt . . you started a revolution with a facebook page. But have you stopped child abuse by changing your profile pic to a cartoon character for a week? Yeah, didn't think so. Go America!

   If your boyfriend gets you flowers and chocolate for Valentine's Day, it's because he was saving money to get his real girlfriend jewelry.

   I love smiling at random people. Some of them smile back. Some of them get really creeped out, but that makes it worth it.

   I miss being the age when I thought I would have my sh!t together by the time I was the age I am now.

   Who doesn't deserve a spanking now and again?

   When a woman asks me how long I can last in bed I tell her it depends on how long someone brings me food and water but probably years.

   Listen, I don't take my clothes off for anyone, even if it IS "artistic."

   uh huh you know what it is.. green and yellow.. green and yellow..

   Its snowing again! Oh don't worry I will be posting fresh photos soon because I know you all love that!

   Going to Mexico next month and my buddies suggested I take my lady to a donkey show. Cool! We both love those Shrek movies. Thanks for the suggestion guys!

   Don't do anything you're going to regret in the morning. Or at least leave before regret wakes up!

   the only thing your "pajama jeans" match is your "sketcher's shape-ups"

   when the room gets quiet I say things like "im a bannana":)

   hehe every needs to laugh once a day to stay healthy

   "Don't worry, there's plenty more fish in the sea!" - Err, who the hell would want to date a fish? O.o

   Write down your crush's name on a piece of paper. Then eat the piece of paper. Don't post this, because nothing will happen. Tomorrow morning, you may be sick from eating the piece of paper..