Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Its funny how Governments evolution is opposite as to mans evolution.

   Foolishness always results when the tongue outraces the brain.

   We have the Bill of Rights. What we need is a Bill of Responsibilities. Bill

   A neurotic is a person who builds a castle in the air. A psychotic is the person who lives in it. A psychiatrist is the person who collects the rent.

   If it squirms it's Biology; if it stinks it's Chemistry; if it doesn't work it's Physics and if you can't understand it, it's Mathematics.

   Americans treat the Constitution the same way they treat the Bible: Despite never having read or understood it, they are quite certain they know both.

   Officer says "Gee, Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You shouldn't respond with, "Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?

   I saw a sign earlier that said 'Watch Batteries Fitted Here'. I couldn't see the entertainment in it myself.

   Valentines advance: If she goes to the party, watches the entire Super Bowl and has a good time with you then she is valentine material.

   My give a damn maybe busted, but my can of whoop ass is ready to pop.

   going to start "The Gas is to Damm High Party" who's with me!

   ice seems to be able to make even the most graceful of people turn into really bad break dancers.....

   Like a good neighbor, State farm is there.. With two neeighborhood kids to shovel my driveway................ Aww man! that Sh*t don't work!

   I believe in God…However, rest assured that unless you are a woman, with a weird fetish, I will NOT be throwing bibles at you…

   Ice has a way of turning even the most graceful of people into really bad break dancers......

   don't piss on my boot and tell me it's raining

   In hindsight, maybe two hours of being snowed in was too soon to eat my family.

   I've been reading some of the Black History Month material, and I can't find Buckwheat being shot anywhere…that's just wrong…

   I was discussing with my friend about the popular trends on sex, marriage and values. He says to me “I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you? I replied. “I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?”

   A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's...That's because she changes it more often.