Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Why do I have to bother pushing "one" for English? I'm still going to get someone who can't speak it.

   Facebook prank #23: Go in everynight and change your birthday to the next day...then see how long it takes for people to catch on...

   Cinematic Superbowl commercial trailers. Really America?

   I always thought that holding on was the strongest thing a person could do, now I see that it's letting go that takes an enormous amount of courage & strength

   This is ridiculous - I have so much work to do this morning that I can barely get on Facebook. My boss is so rude.

   I hate it when my inner child talks back to the voices in my head.

   If people winked in real life as much as they wink in texts, the world would be an extremely creepy place. ;)

   The hardest question of the weekend...can or bottle?

   Hi, my name is Kim, and I am an LOL addict. I have finally hit rock bottom and am ready for treatment. LOL

   In Store Special - "You're My One and Only" Valentine's Day cards... 4 for $5...

   I just heard the local priest singing a bit of "Nuns N' Moses".... "Take me down to the Vatican City where the mass is keen and the boys are pretty."

   I get distracted by all the meats in the deli section, must be my short attention spam.

   i dont care how much ice cream you have your not gonna put that banana there.

   ♫ Jesus freaks, out in the streets, handing tickets out for God...♫

   What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing - but it let out a little whine.

   if you don't care about my past, then why do you keep asking about it?

   Hardee's is shutting down its 32 franchises in Egypt. There's Hardee's in Egypt? No wonder they don't like us.

   Honestly, I'd hit Anderson Cooper too if I had the chance.

   You know when you are getting old when, you finally got your head together, now your body is falling apart.

   If I seduce it, really get it going, then leave it alone for ten minutes,maybe this paper will finish itself.