Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Of course the snow is really "coming down" out there. What? As opposed to it going up?

   Winter, slumbering in the open air, wears on its smiling face a dream... of spring. Ciao

   Okay, campers, rise and shine, and don't forget your booties 'cause it's cooooold out there today.

   I got up this morning and think I saw my shadow. I'm going back to bed for six weeks.

   has lost his shoes

   If you have a mirror handy, kindly gaze into it and you will find your problem

   Oh the pranks I would pull if I were invisible

   There are two types of people in this world, those with common sense and those who have to pee on the electric fence for themselves

   The pity train has derailed at the intersection of “suck it up” and “move on” and has crashed into “I don't give a damn”. So sorry ….

   "Like a good neighbor....State Farm is there......with a shovel....getting all this white crap outta my yard"

   saw a guy give a homeless man a coffee....Great! Now he is alert and fully aware of his surroundings...the street, the alley, his shopping cart...

   Ah...the old "saran wrap over the groundhog hole" trick. Gets'em every time!

   wHeN yOu TyPe LiKe ThIs It GiVeS mE a HeAdAcHe AnD iT tAkEs TwIcE aS lOnG tO tYpE AnD I WaNt To ClAmP yOuR fAcE iN a GeOrGe FoReMaN gRiLl ...

   getting 3 inches of snow per hour. My front yard looks like Charlie Sheen's coffee table.

   Posting a pic of how bad the roads are while you're driving sort of makes the situation worse don't ya think?

   Am I the only one that thinks Gobbler's Knob sounds like a dirty movie title?

   thinking that now the Government of Egypt has banned all internet traffic, do we just call it Gypt?

   thinks snowfall should be measured in school and business cancelations.

   Just heard a really fat woman say she was starving and she couldn't wait for lunch. Um, no you're not and yes you can.

   I give travel info in the amount of time it takes me to get there, not in miles.