Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   A cancer patient only has one wish, to get better. I know that 97% of you won't post this as your status, but my friends will be the 3% that do. In honour of someone who died, or is fighting cancer please post this for at least one hour.

   The one constant among all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers

   Hey, does anyone know if the Bears are playing today?

   a coincidence is only a coincidence if you don't have an open mind

   if the Jets make it to the Super Bowl, I sure hope the cast from Jersey Shore will not be in the half time show

   I was planning on procastinating today but I think I'm going to put that off until next week as well

   Knows that excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first making the brain a faster more efficient machine. This is why I drink!

   I need to get out of bed and do something so I can justify taking a nap later.

   Let's take turns going crazy. You first.

   One day I want to be "Let's Just Take My Helicopter" rich.

   I'm training for the Super Bowl. Today's menu: 3 dozen wings, sliders, nachos and beer.

   I often wonder if the passive-aggressive Facebook status updates of others are aimed at me.

   The only reason I want the Bears to win today is so that I can watch them lose in the Super Bowl.

   I was thinking about sending Jay Cutler a consellation prize to ease his pain. Does anyone know his skirt size?

   its a beautiful day in Mr. rodgers neighborhood.. .

   Getting really sick of making my own sandwiches

   Few things are as attractive as a slightly pudgy middle-aged man in a Star Wars shirt. - observations from my mirror

   Somewhere Brett Favre just throw his remote at a tv....and it was intercepted..

   Facebook - one more way my mother can make sure I haven't died in the past 24 hours...

   ♫♪♫♫♪♪♪♫♪♫♫♪♫♫♪♪♪♫♪♫♫♪♫♫♪♪♪♫♪♫Sorry iv forgot the words :o)