Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   george washington owned a dodge charger---wikipedia

   been poked more times than a fireplace this month.

   Hickies in junior high = Sweet! Hickies in your 30s = Gross

   wonders how love potions 1-8 worked out.

   my field of dreams would be a football field built in a field barley made into beer to serve free of charge at the games.

   my next license plate: POKE ME

   Next person that asks me "Is it cold out?" after I walk inside with my winter coat on, gloves, hot and a red face is going to get thrown outside in the snow and locked out.

   wants to go the next NHL Winter Classic and sneak onto the ice with a fishing pole and a folding chair. Just for laughs.

   just won the Golden Globe for "Best status post, musical or comedy".

   My other facebook wall has a scenic view.

   My hats off to the Jets. They made Tom Brady look like Greg Brady.

   pretty sure I just ate a record setting amount of Rice Krispies!

   ♪♫♫♪Accept the Poke. THAT'S IT. Then Poke me back, Game over. Then I can Poke you, then Poke me back. And were done. That's it, That's all I want. Then I'll Poke you again, and you Poke me back. Poke Me Back♫♪♫♫♪♪♪♫♪♫

   It's not that I hate you, it's just.. well i'll put it this way.. if you were on fire & I had water, I'd drink i

   This year we will experience 4 unusual dates.... 1/1/11, 1/11/11, 11/1/11, 11/11/11 ......... NOW go figure this out.... take the last 2 digits of the year you were born plus the age you will be this year and it WILL EQUAL .... 111!

   did you hear about the fat alcoholic transvestite.. all he wanted to do was Eat, Drink and be Mary

   I'm gonna assume my sisters email got hacked and that she has not really resorted to becoming a penis pump sales person..

   just turned water into kool-aid. Your move Jesus

   Has anyone ever realized what a klepto the little mermaid was...? Kids, it's okay to steal things as long as you keep them in your hidden cave, and sing about them.

   I'm not saying you're a D!ck but Brett Favre just texted me your picture.