Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I’m going to need some of you guys to start getting weirder, I cannot keep pulling all the weight like this. 😏
←Rate | 01-23-2023 02:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon There are two kinds of people: Those who do whatever they’re told, no matter what. And, people who will do what is right, no matter what they are told. 😉
←Rate | 01-23-2023 03:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Keep rolling your eyes, you might find a brain.
←Rate | 01-23-2023 03:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When they can’t control or manipulate you, they smear you. 😔
←Rate | 01-23-2023 03:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife and I do this role play, where she tells me all the things that need to be fixed around the house and I pretend this is the first time I’m hearing about it. 😂
←Rate | 01-23-2023 03:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Anyone: Do you sleep with a fan? Me: I’d say my wife mostly likes me, but “fan” is pushing it. 😁
←Rate | 01-23-2023 03:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon (Overheard from the other room) 8yo: Can I have an ice cream sandwich? Grandma: Did you eat all your supper? 8yo: No. Grandma: Just one then. 😂
←Rate | 01-23-2023 02:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My school taught square dancing in the 4th grade, because you never know when a hoedown will break out.
←Rate | 01-19-2023 01:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Her: You haven’t listened to a single word I’ve said. Him: That’s a weird way to start a conversation.
←Rate | 01-19-2023 02:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Friend 1: I do yoga 5 days a week. Friend 2: I plan vegan meals a week in advance. Me: I eat cake over the sink, so I don’t get crumbs in my bed.
←Rate | 01-19-2023 02:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, which is why I’m eating it again at 11:00am.
←Rate | 01-19-2023 02:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon One way to be hospitable, is to help visitors know when it’s time to leave.
←Rate | 01-19-2023 02:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon In honor of the winter solstice I will also be cold, distant and filled with darkness.
←Rate | 01-19-2023 02:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Tommy Lee Jones ~ always has a look on his face, like his son just told him that he wants to ride unicycles professionally.
←Rate | 01-19-2023 02:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Forest Grump: And just like that, having classified documents was perfectly acceptable. 😆
←Rate | 01-23-2023 02:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Beginning to see the need for censorship. Certain people are just too ignorant to be allowed to speak.
←Rate | 01-19-2023 04:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you had a scratch and sniff map of the world, what would your current location smell like?
←Rate | 01-06-2023 01:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You are more disappointing than an unsalted pretzel.
←Rate | 01-23-2023 03:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon FBI, CIA, DOJ: We have investigated ourselves and found ourselves to be innocent.
←Rate | 01-08-2023 02:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon They said, “Californy is the place we gotta flee,” so they loaded up the truck and moved back to Tennessee.
←Rate | 01-08-2023 02:55 Comments (0)  




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