Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon When you want to help people, you tell the truth. When you want to help yourself, you tell them what they want to hear.
←Rate | 06-24-2022 23:15 Comments (0)  

   messageicon They’re not red flags, they’re fun facts about me.
←Rate | 06-24-2022 23:15 Comments (0)  

   messageicon A lot of people like BBQ ribs, but I make it look like an episode of the Walking Dead.
←Rate | 06-07-2022 17:21 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Don’t let anyone ruin your day. Be a man, ruin it yourself.
←Rate | 06-28-2022 23:49 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Death Row Guard: What would you like for your last meal? Condemned Woman: I don’t know, what do you want?
←Rate | 06-08-2022 01:39 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When you tell a joke so funny at work that HR wants to hear it.
←Rate | 06-05-2022 02:58 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I just failed a captcha test 3 times in a row. I can’t believe this is how I’m finding out that I’m a robot.
←Rate | 06-24-2022 00:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I have a crush on 28 of you, figure it out.
←Rate | 06-28-2022 23:46 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Son: “Dad, there’s a monster in my room, can I sleep in here?” Dad: Look, it’s you he’s after, why make it my problem too.
←Rate | 06-09-2022 01:43 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My wife was sad, so I showed her my boobs. Apparently, that doesn’t work both ways.
←Rate | 06-09-2022 01:44 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If your lady wants something with diamonds in it, get her a deck of cards. Follow me for more relationship advice.
←Rate | 06-16-2022 03:22 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When you pull up a power point presentation to show your cat how fat it is.
←Rate | 06-08-2022 20:45 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Studies show that cats understand human commands, but don’t care to follow them.
←Rate | 06-10-2022 01:44 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Heads up guys, there are some real weirdos in this group. Someone messaged me to meet them in the woods for a naked Satanic ritual and then they didn’t even show up.
←Rate | 06-16-2022 03:21 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When everyone leaves the house and you’re finally alone. “Bravo six, going dark.”
←Rate | 06-05-2022 02:55 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Me: At the cookout, asking everyone how they like their burger, before making them all exactly the same.
←Rate | 06-09-2022 01:43 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I’m sorry for the things my face said while you were talking.
←Rate | 05-27-2022 00:15 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If some guy named “Corn Pop” was real, pretty sure he would have come forward by now.
←Rate | 06-21-2022 22:42 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Truth is like surgery; it hurts but it heals. A lie is like a painkiller; it gives instant relief but has terrible side effects.
←Rate | 06-24-2022 01:05 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Caller ID isn’t enough for me. I need to know why you’re calling.
←Rate | 06-16-2022 03:23 Comments (0)  

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