Snotty Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon *Angry after wasting 5 hours trying to craft a beer joke.... " This was entirely hopless!"
←Rate | 01-02-2019 20:17 by Snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon Forgot to wear my Sons of Anarchy shirt to Walmart again.
←Rate | 09-05-2017 20:03 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon [shark tank] me: I have an idea for ridiculously wide sunglasses.. shark 1: i'm out... shark 2: i'm out..... hammerhead shark: i'm listening
←Rate | 09-04-2017 16:46 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon Me: I need a doctor's appointment... Receptionist: Ok [checks bookings] how about 10 tomorrow?... Me: No, I don't need that many
←Rate | 09-01-2017 19:16 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon the percentage of people who "tell you what they want, what they really really want" has dropped drastically since 1996
←Rate | 08-06-2017 20:11 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon My wife hates snakes. But if they sold snakes at Target, we'd probably have a few snakes.
←Rate | 08-01-2017 07:33 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon yall tired of boiling water every time you make pasta? boil a few gallons at the beginning of the week and freeze it for later.
←Rate | 07-30-2017 20:28 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon My doctor put me on a low sodium/no alcohol diet recently. I've lost 6 pounds so far... I also know joy weighs 6 pounds now.
←Rate | 07-25-2017 21:14 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon I threw my bra on stage at a concert once. It landed somewhere in the flute section.
←Rate | 06-27-2017 19:36 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon I saw a guy hit 2 good balls today playing golf. He stepped on a rake.
←Rate | 06-17-2017 15:22 by snotty Comments (0)  


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