M Funny Status Messages

   Who knew in 1987 when Steven Tyler wrote "Dude (Looks Like a Lady)" that it would become a self-fulfilling prophecy?

   Some fairy tales begin with "Once upon a time..." Others begin with "If elected, I promise..."

   Has anybody actually gotten salmonella from eating raw cookie dough or are people just trying to stop me from living my life?

   All of this "which bathroom to use" debate is ridiculous....why can't we all potty like it's 1999?

   When the morning hits your eye like a big smelly cow pie.... That's A-Mon-dayyyyyy......

   It's hard to find a good air guitar these days.

   The good thing about a cell phone is you can be reached wherever you are....the bad think about a cell phone is you can be reached wherever you are.

   I really like the people who say; "60 is the new 40" because I know if I borrow $60 from them, all I have to pay back is $40.

   The good thing about Facebook is if someone gets on your nerves enough, you can make them cease to exist in your world and you don't even have to hide a body.

   I couldn't quite visualize what a nanosecond was until I dropped a piece of bacon and my dog had it gone before it could even leave a grease spot on the floor.