@ttmichael09 Funny Status Messages

   Did our government only admit to UFO's because we're going to start sending their planets money for aid?

   I'm already losing an hour on Sunday for daylight savings time. No way in hell am I losing more by watching the Oscars!

   Don't you hate it when you start treating someone like they treat you and they suddenly think you're an asshole?

   I never let anyone drive me crazy, because I know it's within walking distance!

   If what you have to say to me is going to take longer than the song "Bohemian Rhapsody" just don't! I won't be listening anyway

   I respect your right to freedom of speech but I don't have to agree with what you say. And...guess what! That's okay!

   We went and saw "Oppenheimer" Saturday night and when we left we heard a teenager say,"I liked Batman better!"? WTF did he expect?

   My car's a little dirty so one of my co-workers wrote "Wash me" on it. So, I took my key and scratched in, "Touch me up" on his car.

   At 51, I've realized that if I don't get enough sleep, I'm an asshole during the day. If I get too much sleep, I'm still an asshole, but happy!

   It's official...my childhood punishments are now my adult goals! Going to bed early, forced to stay inside, naps, and eating healthy!