@breakfastbeerz Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon HELP WANTED: Seeking motivated and goal oriented individual to validate me on the internet.
←Rate | 05-24-2017 15:54 by @breakfastbeerz Comments (0)  


   messageicon You look like the kind of girl that gets her sex tips from a grocery store tabloid.
←Rate | 05-24-2017 15:53 by @breakfastbeerz Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Clean up in aisle 5" has a very different meaning in a porn shop.
←Rate | 05-24-2017 15:52 by @breakfastbeerz Comments (0)  


   messageicon Oh.... you wanted a "Fidget" spinner. *Tells 4'8" guy he and his exercise bike can go home.
←Rate | 05-24-2017 15:52 by @breakfastbeerz Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was going to sweep her off her feet until she flew away on my broom.
←Rate | 05-24-2017 15:51 by @breakfastbeerz Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Can't adult today". That's cute 22 year old. Get a mortgage, manage a 401k, have a couple kids, then get back to me about being an adult.
←Rate | 05-24-2017 15:50 by @breakfastbeerz Comments (0)  


   messageicon "You look stunning in that outfit, but you'll look even better once I take it off" ~ Me, unwrapping beef jerky.
←Rate | 05-24-2017 15:49 by @breakfastbeerz Comments (0)  


   messageicon "You complete me" ~ Me talking to my phone charger.
←Rate | 05-24-2017 15:48 by @breakfastbeerz Comments (0)  


   messageicon Using "amazeballs" in a status is the best way to let everyone know you dropped out of cosmetology school
←Rate | 05-24-2017 15:48 by @breakfastbeerz Comments (0)  


   messageicon How good am I at the sex? Imgaine a symphonic rock concert played under a fireworks show while tripping on acid. I'm the opposite of that.
←Rate | 05-24-2017 15:47 by @breakfastbeerz Comments (0)  



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