Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Seems to me that UFOs may just be billionairs from other planets?
←Rate | 07-29-2021 17:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Rap is like scissors. It gets beaten by Rock.
←Rate | 07-29-2021 10:34 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm awake! please respect my privacy during this very difficult time.
←Rate | 07-29-2021 10:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon OK. Who is the genius who decided to call them Olives and not Greece's Pieces?
←Rate | 07-29-2021 08:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wear a Mullet in the Summer to prevent becoming a Redneck. Seems a bit Contradictory.
←Rate | 07-29-2021 08:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The winners of the javelin at the Olympics shouldn’t get a medal. They should get a throwphy.
←Rate | 07-29-2021 08:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I named my Urethra, Franlin.
←Rate | 07-29-2021 08:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon what would happen if you're scared half to death twice?
←Rate | 07-29-2021 08:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The relationship my spouse and I have is psychological. One is psycho and the other is logical.
←Rate | 07-29-2021 07:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some people won’t admit their faults. I would, if I had any.
←Rate | 07-29-2021 05:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes late at night I like to send prostitutes to my neighbors just to see if they let them in
←Rate | 07-29-2021 02:08 by Kam Comments (0)  


   messageicon Think I have more human interaction with people on Craigslist that I do on social media sites.
←Rate | 07-28-2021 22:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I feel like Olympic sports should focus less on pointless sports like synchronized diving and more on essential skills like evading a bear in the pool
←Rate | 07-28-2021 15:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon In every relationship, there is one partner who provides the stability and comfort while the other partner brings the moth infestation.
←Rate | 07-28-2021 13:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It’s that time of year when the neighbors start longing for winter days because they’re tired of seeing me at the mailbox in my drawers.
←Rate | 07-28-2021 12:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon We need less flight attendants and more Costco sample ladies on airplanes.
←Rate | 07-28-2021 11:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.
←Rate | 07-28-2021 11:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My second child was so overdue, when we left the hospital we dropped her off at kindergarden.
←Rate | 07-28-2021 11:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Do you suppose Ghosts believe in People?
←Rate | 07-28-2021 11:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Karaoke is that one thing that convinces hundreds of drunk people they can actually sing.
←Rate | 07-28-2021 11:08 Comments (0)  



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