Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   2023: Where pizza crusts are made from chicken, hamburgers are made from plants, and milk is made from nuts.

   Instagram: A display of women with zero self-respect and we men are ecstatic over it.

   They say do something today that makes the world a better place….so I’m getting drunk.

   Sorry I yelled “pull” when you released doves at your wedding this past Saturday..

   Camp Lejeune bottled water is now outselling Bud Lite.

   What do you call a snowman in July? ...a puddle

   Meet hook the roofie

   Drugs are not the answer. Unless the question is "What are you in for?"

   I have trouble always mixing my metaphors. I don't know why. It's not rocket surgery.

   I planned to graduate Camping School but I failed Tent Grade.