Gripenfelter Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Magic Mike...50 Shades of Grey...I knew I should have bought stock in Duracell this year.
←Rate | 10-12-2012 01:41 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  


   messageicon Understanding is what allows someone like me to tolerate someone like you.
←Rate | 10-12-2012 01:41 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate when movies say "May contain nudity." Well does it doesn't it? I don't want to waste my time.
←Rate | 11-02-2012 22:01 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  


   messageicon It all makes sense now!! Gay marriage and Pot legalized on the same day... Leviticus 20:13 "If a man lays with another man he should be stoned." We've just been misinterpreting it all these years!!
←Rate | 11-11-2012 00:58 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  


   messageicon Jeez. There is no reason to tailgate me in the SLOW LANE. Especially when I'm doing 20 kph over the limit anyways. And those stupid ricer flashing red and blue lights on your roof make you look ridiculous.
←Rate | 11-12-2012 14:58 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side! Proof that even chickens believe in an afterlife.
←Rate | 11-12-2012 15:03 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  


   messageicon Women are like snowflakes. They can't drive.
←Rate | 12-12-2012 11:05 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can already tell December 21st will be the most annoying day in Facebook history.
←Rate | 12-12-2012 20:57 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  


   messageicon C'mon Lotto! I just want to be rich enough for Morgan Freeman to follow me around and narrate my life in real time.
←Rate | 12-16-2012 20:31 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  


   messageicon Well...this apocalypse is off to a slow start...can't believe I shaved my balls for this.
←Rate | 12-21-2012 08:27 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  


   messageicon My favourite Christmas song is the one about baby Jesus passing gas. Forgot what it's called but the main chorus is "Do you hear what I hear?"
←Rate | 12-21-2012 08:28 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  


   messageicon 9 1/2 months from now there are gonna be a lot of babies born...suckers.
←Rate | 12-21-2012 08:33 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  


   messageicon Found the perfect stocking stuffer. Someone threw away a perfectly good prosthetic leg in the dumpster.
←Rate | 12-24-2012 21:50 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  


   messageicon If your spouse was there for you when you were broke, and they were there for you when you lost your job, and they were there for you when the bank took your house, you should probably get a divorce and look for a new spouse because this one is bad luck.
←Rate | 12-30-2012 22:23 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  


   messageicon My New Years Resolution is to be more positive and less sarcastic...I wonder how long this bull$hit fantasy will last.
←Rate | 01-01-2013 12:29 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  


   messageicon What we do for ourselves dies with us. What we do for others and the world remains and becomes immortal. Is it Commando Friday yet?
←Rate | 01-17-2013 08:26 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's freezing outside. I hear by declare January Nipple Awareness Month.
←Rate | 01-22-2013 08:42 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wife said she needs a break from picking up my socks on the floor. Fine with me...I also have 12 pairs of underwear.
←Rate | 02-26-2013 19:29 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  


   messageicon Went for a romantic walk in the woods last night. Well, I called it romantic. She called it stalking.
←Rate | 03-16-2013 13:59 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  


   messageicon My potatoes bring all the Irish to the yard and they're like, that famine was hard.
←Rate | 03-17-2013 19:10 by Gripenfelter Comments (0)  



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