Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

Sort:  Recent   |   Oldest   |   Rating

Search Messages:
Page: 1 of 6286

   messageicon The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
←Rate | 08-15-2022 07:54 Comments (0)  

   messageicon A penny found is worth more than a penny earned, because a penny earned is taxed.
←Rate | 08-15-2022 17:40 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Life begins at 40, so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times.
←Rate | 08-15-2022 07:56 Comments (0)  

   messageicon A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don’t have a J.O.B.
←Rate | 08-15-2022 07:56 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I’m right.
←Rate | 08-15-2022 08:00 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
←Rate | 08-15-2022 07:54 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When you go to work, if your name is on the building, you’re rich. If your name is on your desk, you’re middle class. And if your name is on your shirt, you’re poor.
←Rate | 08-17-2022 02:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon A study of economics usually reveals that the best time to buy anything is last year.
←Rate | 08-17-2022 02:29 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Accomplishing the impossible means the boss will add it to your regular duties.
←Rate | 08-17-2022 02:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon A lot of people don’t struggle with depression, they struggle with the reality we live in.
←Rate | 08-17-2022 02:31 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The CDC recommends wearing your mask on your butt to protect against Monkeypox.
←Rate | 08-17-2022 02:33 Comments (0)  

   messageicon One sure sign of success is the presence of an unnecessary waterfall in a person’s yard.
←Rate | 08-17-2022 02:31 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The biggest mistake you make with us truth-seekers, is you think we want to be right. Trust me, we wish we were wrong.
←Rate | 08-17-2022 02:32 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Welcome to middle age, berry flavored tums are dessert now.
←Rate | 08-17-2022 02:34 Comments (0)  

   messageicon In my defense Facebook didn’t alert me it’s my wife’s birthday.
←Rate | 08-18-2022 08:37 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you think your microwave collecting data and the TV spying on you is bad enough… The vaccum cleaner has been gathering dirt on you for years.
←Rate | 08-18-2022 08:38 Comments (0)  

   messageicon This doctor is claiming he's the best surgeon of all time. He said, a few years back I was able to jam this guy's brains all back in his head after an accident, and look... Now he's president
←Rate | 08-18-2022 11:58 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Brain: I can see you’re trying to sleep; can I offer a selection of your worst memories?
←Rate | 07-21-2022 05:03 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Tonight’s Powerball Jackpot is up to a full tank of gas and a buggy load of groceries.
←Rate | 07-03-2022 06:37 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I fear that one day, I’ll see one of my jokes marked as “Exhibit A.”
←Rate | 06-16-2022 03:18 Comments (0)  

Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Status Message:

... characters left