@truebeachbabe Funny Status Messages

   I don't understand the whole gay women play softball thing. Please explain to me because it's a bunch of girls who like to hold wood & catch balls in spandex on their free time...

   PMS + GPS = Crazy biotch that WILL find you.

   the only reason why I will wear this HIDEOUS bridesmaid dress is so that a drunk groomsmen can rip it off me later with his teeth.

   climbing in your windows & snatching your people up. Hide yo kids. Hide yo wife.

   loves waking up to a excited puppy at my bedroom door until I see her run off to the kitchen & realize that the only reason she is excited to see me is cause there is food on the counter & I sometimes give her my leftovers. Little BIOTCH.

   Can't sleep. Clowns will eat me.

   So many freaks... so few circuses.

   It's been lovely, but I have to scream now.

   If history repeats itself, I'm totally getting a dinosaur.

   Hey Ashton, when Demi is too old to kick it, I'm available!

   Men are like movies. After 3 plays, you want to return them.

   Stupidity is not a crime, so you are free to go.

   A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.

   Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

   If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

   I found a case of Natty Light on the floor of a random aisle in the grocery store. After I returned it to the coolers, I felt like I did my good deed for the day.

   No coffee no workee.

   Girls just want to have funds!

   Born to shop, not to mop.

   My Mom just said "I'm still hot! It just comes in flashes!"