flipphonescott Funny Status Messages

   No peace at home = no piece at home.

   its saturday and cartoons are on!

   ever take a poop so big your pants fit better!

   starting the diet on monday or when walgreens runs out of maked down christmas candy

   so....I almost got beat up in jail last night !....my family takes Monopoly very seriously....

   it took me 8 months to teach thee tubby one to say row

   A toast Gentlemen, To girlfriends and wives. May they never meet

   Are you soft Kitty or smelly cat?

   3 Year Old: Mommy, was daddy ever inside you like I was? Wife: Yes. But only for a minute... two tops. Me: ...

   I haven't gained weight. I'm just retaining cookies.

   "I never wanted to grow up, I just wanted to be tall enough to reach the cookies

   Pretending to be a pleasant person all day is EXHAUSTING!!!

   I went to a Gay picnic once , the music was good , decorations were just lovely . The Beer was cold , hamburgers were just delicious but the hot dogs tasted like crap .

   They should make a Rosetta Stone that helps men understand what the heck women are actually trying to say.

   my thong is trying to get to 5th base

   a man is like a tile floor. lay him right and you can walk on him for 30 years

   still rockin the kids table!

   If the colts go 0 and 14 should we rest are starters for the playoffs?