Snotty Funny Status Messages

   Walmart Cashier: Did you find everything you were looking for?... Me: Well, I couldn't find-..... Cashier: *finger to my lips* Shhh! I don't actually care.

   Meh,,, I guess I'm not against Hillary Clinton taking a drug test?... I'm MORE concerned about the GOP taking a drug test for allowing Donald Trump to be the nominee.

   Some people's lives are like open books... Mine is like a trashcan without a lid.

   [Juice Bar]...... (Wildebeest disguised as man): 36 shots of wheat grass.... (Lion disguised as Bartender): Follow me out back "sir"..... *hyenas laugh*

   Bar waitress: "ANYONE KNOW CPR?!"... Me: "Hell, I know the entire alphabet!"... Then everyone laughed & laughed. Well, except that one guy.

   The mainstream media: Covers up vast conspiracies?... Rigs national elections?... Has mind control powers?... Can't convince people to pay $29.99 for cable

   Donald Trump wants to keep us in suspense about the survival of our democracy and orderly change of government.... I can't wait!

   Every time I start to feel happy I remember the shingles virus is already inside me.

   BREAKING NEWS : Bill Cosby withdraws support for Donald Trump

   Has anyone considered that Trump might be a Galaxy Note 7?

   The crappy thing is,,, there are people that will vote for Trump,,, but would punish their kids for just saying the word "Pu$$y".

   *shines flashlight under chin... 'And the phones were attached to the walls and didn't have cameras'.... *teenagers scream. Two pass out

   Of course Trump hasn't doesn't pay taxes... He knows ALL the good loopholes,, Like, "Mail order brides are tax deductible"

   Trump suggests soldiers suffering from PTSD aren't mentally strong.. But EVERYONE knows the true sign of mental strength, is faking bone spurs to avoid serving in Vietnam.

   Experts say Donald Trump has suffered the worst week of his political career until next week.

   You know when you get the shivers when you pee?.. That's because you just peed out a ghost.

   NEWS FLASH: Facebook will expand it's efforts to stop online hate speech,, *in other words, they will be shutting down until after the election

   All I'm saying is, would it have killed Star Wars to give the audience a peek at the Death Star cafeteria?

   If only someone on the internet would give me their opinion on the election.

   I can't wait til the Presidential race ends so we can stop hating people for their politics and go back to hating people because they're jerks