Nunthewizr Funny Status Messages

   There are going to be so many Snookis this year for Halloween. I think I will dress up as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face.

   Ever wonder how that one single black hair got all the way up there on your shower wall?

   It's a total mood killer when you go in the bathroom after your girlfriend and realize she forgot to flush!

   Great....you discovered youtube. Now, can you quit flooding the newsfeed with the 200 videos you wish to share!!!

   Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.

   Ever accidentally pull something out of your purse thinkin it was a pen when checking out?? Yep, that's how my days goin...

   I want to date a girl with an accent. Well....maybe just a really slow girl that sounds like she has an accent. I'm not picky:)

   Tattoo on the lower back? Might as well be a bullseye.

   Would it be good news or bad news if your Girlfriend told you that she was already married???

   Okay...someone explain this to me. You have five urinals in a public restroom and are using the one all the way at the end. Someone walks in and....out of the four other available urinals, decides to "neighbor pee" in the one next to you......WTH?!?

   One of the best parts about Saturday and Sunday mornings is reading the Status Updates people post after a night of drinking.

   You may think I'm dumb but you over estimate me.

   it me or are 75% of the people that use handicap parking spots not suffering from a handicap at all???

   There's no such thing as being "big boned." How many fat skeletons have you ever seen???

   I don't know why some girls refuse to use a porta-potty. It's not like us men pee on the seat on purpose...geesh:)

   Why do they always staff the slowest cashier at the express lanes at Walmart?

   I can be the only guy at Walmart at two in the morning but as soon as I whip that box of Tampax on the belt, the checkout line is full and they do a price check.

   Suppose I should get a girlfriend. Yep, I'm almost out of cologne.

   I like to play "Rodeo Cowboy" with my girlfriend. Whenever we're making love and I'm behind her, I call her by a different name and see how long I can hold on.

   Why do they put slow cashiers on the speedy checkouts?