SEAN Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Japanese scientists have now created a camera with such a fantastic shutter speed that it is now possible to take a photograph of a woman with her mouth closed.
←Rate | 11-16-2011 13:40 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Scared the postman by going to the door naked. I'm not sure what scared him more, my naked body or the fact that I knew where he lived.
←Rate | 11-18-2011 14:54 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon ‎20 years from now, some adults are going to say they grew up on the "bad part of town," meaning there was no 4G in that area.
←Rate | 11-18-2011 14:56 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Always carry $100,000 cash on you at all times in case you ever feel like getting a sandwich from an airport.
←Rate | 11-18-2011 14:59 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon They say animal behavior can warn you when an earthquake is coming. Like the night before that last earthquake hit, our dog took the car keys and drove to Arizona.
←Rate | 11-18-2011 15:03 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I stopped listening to heavy metal after googling "where to buy Anthrax" landed me on several government watch lists.
←Rate | 11-21-2011 17:38 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon My dog was licking his privates. My friend said "I wish I could do that". I said "You better pet him first, he's kind of mean".
←Rate | 11-21-2011 17:39 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon A waffle house is like a gas station bathroom that serves waffles.
←Rate | 11-22-2011 17:24 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you are under house arrest but live in a mobile home can you go anywhere you want?
←Rate | 11-29-2011 09:49 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Lindsay Lohan should at least have to spend as much time in jail as we have to spend hearing about it.
←Rate | 11-30-2011 11:23 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Every time I'm not with my kid and someone asks me "Where's the baby?" I just yell "Oh crap!" and run in the direction I came from.
←Rate | 12-01-2011 16:31 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Someone told me that the word "gullible" was not in the dictionary. Well I checked and it was there! Sometimes people's idiocy surprises me.
←Rate | 12-02-2011 15:56 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Patience" is what parents have when there are witnesses
←Rate | 12-07-2011 13:37 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon The ultimate act of trust is buying your spouse a gun, and then showing them the correct way to use it.
←Rate | 12-15-2011 09:15 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Nothing says 'I hope you choke on this and die' like the gift of a fruitcake
←Rate | 12-15-2011 09:22 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I bite into a York Peppermint Patty, I get the sensation of chocolate covered toothpaste.
←Rate | 12-15-2011 09:23 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you leave your phone unattended around me there is a good chance I will send a text to all of your contacts that says "I have recently turned gay."
←Rate | 12-15-2011 09:24 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm too embarrassed to tell you how many times I've mistaken insulation for cotton candy.
←Rate | 12-15-2011 11:27 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I did really well when I worked at the carnival. I guessed people's temperature within 5 degrees
←Rate | 12-16-2011 11:06 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon If it's true that opposites attract, I should be looking for someone that gets up early and does stuff.
←Rate | 12-16-2011 11:06 by SEAN Comments (0)  




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