Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon thinks that earthquakes might get the wrong impression by us scoring them. Perhaps our invention of the Richter scale has insited them to try harder for a perfect 10!
←Rate | 02-02-2010 10:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I realized 3 VERY deep things today: 1) It's impossible to lick your elbow, 2) No matter how hard you pinch the skin on your elbow, you can't feel it, and 3) You're actually going to try #1and #2!
←Rate | 02-02-2010 10:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's Groundhog Day. But enough about the school menu.
←Rate | 02-02-2010 09:48 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon just got back from getting breakfast at Sonic. Had to park in the handicapped space cuz it was the only 1...............wait..............why is there a handicapped space at Sonic?!?
←Rate | 02-02-2010 09:22 by Tal Comments (0)  


   messageicon A baby first laughs at the age of four weeks. By that time his eyes focus well enough to see you clearly.
←Rate | 02-02-2010 05:30 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon ..5p from every voodoo doll she sells is going towards the Haitian quake relief. The Gordon Brown one is selling like hotcakes..
←Rate | 02-02-2010 03:25 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I could turn back time I'd slap myself silly the moment I was in Home Depot and thought it was a good idea to buy a padded toilet seat. Never...EVER... get up too quickly from a padded toilet seat
←Rate | 02-01-2010 22:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon loves playing "who can use the least amount of toilet paper so you don't have to change the roll" game....
←Rate | 02-01-2010 22:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon the other night, I caught my girlfriend in bed with another man. I said, "Get off me you two!"
←Rate | 02-01-2010 21:24 by Scott Comments (0)  


   messageicon Baldly going where no man has gone before…
←Rate | 02-01-2010 20:40 by The FRED Comments (0)  


   messageicon if you ever feel upset and depressed, just remember, you were once the fastest, most victorious sperm in the bunch.
←Rate | 02-01-2010 20:34 by cmadden10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon **Warning** It turns out Farmville is a virus that will eat your life away. Side effects are all your friends hate you because of your tacky updates & you're getting fatter from sitting online all day playing. Delete it ASAP and stop being a Tool.
←Rate | 02-01-2010 20:04 by The FRED Comments (0)  


   messageicon ever notice how Black History Month is the shortest month of the year?
←Rate | 02-01-2010 17:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon always keep your words soft and sweet... just in case you have to eat them..
←Rate | 02-01-2010 16:58 by mye_ash617 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy.
←Rate | 02-01-2010 16:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Bear Grylls would eat that
←Rate | 02-01-2010 16:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some Harvard guy said that acid would open our minds, pot wouldn't hurt us, and cocaine was benign.
←Rate | 02-01-2010 16:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The only truly anonymous donor is the guy who knocks up your daughter.
←Rate | 02-01-2010 16:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whenever I date a guy, I think, 'Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?'
←Rate | 02-01-2010 16:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My uncle's dying wish was to have me sitting on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
←Rate | 02-01-2010 15:58 Comments (0)  




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