Aaron Funny Status Messages

   I think NASCAR would be fun if they added a 92-year old driving the opposite way in a Duster.

   It's not that the elderly drive badly. It's just that they're the only ones with the time to do the speed limit.

   I live and yearn.

   Honey, remember to address the dog as "Dr." Scruffy. We didn't pay for eight years of post-grad obedience school for nothing.

   I really hope cell phones aren't bad for us, but I would like the excuse: 'I can't talk right now. You're giving me cancer.'

   GET TO THE CHOPPER!!

   I'm officially changing my TV remote's name to Waldo.

   What do whales eat? Fish and ships.

   I had a thought, then it smiled and waved goodbye.

   Time to put on my best sexual harrassment suit. It's much like my birthday suit, just... Okay, it's exactly like my birthday suit.

   Drugs give me the confidence to do things I never thought possible. Like, lead police on a 12 hour high speed chase.

   You guys, this is my first ever facebook status update sent from a toilet. Did I do good?

   On the Electrician's Truck... "Let Us Remove Your Shorts"

   Scientists say we use only 10% of our brain. Imagine how much better the world would be if we started using the other 60%.

   My gift horse is facing the wrong way

   It is often said cooking is an art. But I have very few meals that I would hang on my wall.

   Your secrets are safe with me and all my friends.

   Q. What do you call a French man in sandals? A. Philippe Philoppe

   Profiling: when police stop only the cars that are driving on the sidewalk.

   it possible that at Brett Favre's age he just keeps forgetting he retired?