Joseph Robert Funny Status Messages

   carrying a Coach purse, driving a few years old Lexus and paying for your food order with your Access card! I hope you get herpes. Meanwhile I will try and get by on unemployment you f'n baby factory.

   Bacon is meat candy

   Oxiclean commercials just aren't the same without Billy Mays. Also late night tv needs more Vince from Shamwow. That hooker prob had it coming

   On a scale of 1-10 I give this day a middle finger

   I wonder if the people that voted for Obama are the same people that voted for Sanjaya on American Idol?

   You can't ruin a friendship with sex. That's like trying to ruin ice cream with chocolate sprinkles

   These people on my Facebook aren't really friends, just more of a wish list of people I want to sleep with

   I don't have to be wearing a coat in july to be told I look hot!

   I'm a firm believer that if something takes 10 minutes to cook on 200 degrees then it should only take 5 minutes to cook on 400 degrees

   Hey guy walking down the street talking on bluetooth with a bag in one hand and nothing in the other, please use your free hand to slap yourself

   Did anyone else feel that? Oprah must be fat again

   The very moment I can imagine a really hot girl taking a dump, is the very second I'm no longer attracted to her

   a black guy in a horror movie has a better chance to survive than a white girl in aruba

   finally a Godfather! But I'm going to let the kid call me God for short

   Note to self: The acronym for "Save the Date" is not appropriate to include all over a work memo

   Dear girl at the bar with the smokin body, long tan legs and amazing knockers, your face looks like a man so I bet you get it from behind a lot. #KeepinItReal

   Some people run marathons, I watch them on my couch. Indiana Jones on Syfy!!!

   If days of the week were people, Mondays would be gingers

   Coming home from work today, I just saw a guy sitting in a rowbaot in his front yard in the rain with a case of budligtht. Even though I've never met him, I'm convinced that he's good people

   Way to sully the Forever 27 club Amy Winehouse. I hope Kurt, Jimmy, and Jim Morrison run train on your skanky ass