Joseph Robert Funny Status Messages

   Who had a better Sunday, Phillip Seymour Hoffman or Peyton Manning???

   Funny how the russians are so anti gay, yet they got a metal in mens figure skating

   What's more shocking than finding out Shirley Temple has died? Finding out Shirley Temple was still alive.

   I'm glad I have work today. Who wants to celebrate Presidents' Day with this dude in office? In any case, happy bday month to George and Abe. You guys were pretty awesome.

   Just realized that with all this ice lately, technically I'm walking on water too, so take that Jesus!

   some of you people are taking the term Fat Tuesday way too seriously

   Earth Day sounds like birthday, and that just makes me want cake. So thanks for making me fat Earth Day

   I've officially met everyone's mother yesterday via Facebook so I'm pretty sure that takes me out of the friend zone here ladies

   Women need to learn how to use Snapchat. It's only for sexting, I don't want to see pictures of your feet or your new perm

   I can't wait until all these 100 days of happiness people get to day 69. Maybe then my news feed will finally be interesting

   Do you think after the World Cup they all have orange slices and drink capri suns after the game and then their moms pick them up in their minivans? ‪#‎SoccerSucks‬

   playing my favorite game today, Gun Shots or Fireworks?

   "If ya can't beat them, kill 'em" -Tony Stewart

   Finally brings some authenticity to his movie, Dead Poets Society don't ya think?

   RIP Joan Rivers. She was 80 years old. Her nose was 31, and her lips sadly were only 22. So young!

   Biden's son, another example of someone out douching their douchey parent

   I don't know why they need a whole month, they get the busiest Friday of the year

   It's a shame that all these die-in protesters aren't actually dying

   I would love to put all the girls I slept with in one room to see if they can figure out what they all had in common

   #OscarsGoWhite??? More N igs just crying b/c they want something they don't deserve. What BS!