Gabe Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I used to drink a lot in the '80's. Then I realized, who cares what the temperature is?
←Rate | 03-07-2020 11:22 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm called "Essential" because calling me "Sacrificial" would be too honest...
←Rate | 04-07-2020 20:24 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon So the CIA had a secret compound at Gitmo named "Strawberry Fields"? "Poppy Fields" would be a more appropriate name...
←Rate | 11-26-2013 15:39 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon If your dog understands several human words and you don't understand any dog barks, then your dog may be smarter than you...
←Rate | 03-01-2020 18:23 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm. I gave her the glue stick by mistake. She's still not talking to me...
←Rate | 02-28-2019 16:34 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you see me talking to myself just ignore it. I'm self employed and we're having a staff meeting...
←Rate | 08-19-2019 16:40 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon They said a mask was enough to go into a grocery store. They lied, everyone else had clothes on...
←Rate | 02-10-2021 16:52 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon helped my neighbor with something this morning and she said to me "I could marry you!" I couldn't believe it... you do something nice for someone and they threaten to ruin your life in return...
←Rate | 01-05-2022 08:13 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon Have you ever looked at someone and thought 'shut the hell up'... and they weren't even speaking...
←Rate | 11-27-2021 12:37 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon If everyday is a gift then today was socks...
←Rate | 10-27-2015 20:38 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon Virus Tip - If you run out of toilet paper, just spray Pam between your butt cheeks and poop won't stick. Don't ask how I know this...
←Rate | 03-21-2020 14:41 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon So, Los Angeles wants Meatless Monday... and probably followed by Tater Tot Tuesday and Weinerless Wednesday...
←Rate | 11-15-2012 20:54 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon All my passwords are protected by amnesia...
←Rate | 11-19-2014 19:07 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't go crazy. I am crazy. I just go normal from time to time...
←Rate | 01-25-2022 17:01 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon Finally! A White House official was fired! A Benghazi official? No... IRS? No... Fast and Furious? Over the AP or James Rosen? HHS? No, no, no, and no. Jofi Joseph, fired for having a fake twitter acct.How dare he!
←Rate | 10-23-2013 10:54 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was told I would understand when I got older. Well, I'm older and still don't understand...
←Rate | 12-25-2017 21:10 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon Cough, Through, Though, Rough... none of these words rhyme. But for some reason, Pony and Bologna do...
←Rate | 03-15-2020 14:40 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was told the clocks go back this weekend, but I can't remember where I bought them...
←Rate | 11-08-2021 11:16 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you know anyone home alone for Christmas let me know! I need to borrow their chairs...
←Rate | 12-24-2019 18:24 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon When you clean your vacuum cleaner, does that make you a vacuum cleaner?
←Rate | 12-21-2021 08:41 by Gabe Comments (0)  




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