JEBI Funny Status Messages

   Whipped cream is just shaving cream that does whatever it's girlfriend tells it to do...

   I haven't been able to stop crying since that stranger on the internet said that they didn't like me...

   I've seen enough episodes of "Cops" to know that you should avoid all people with blurry faces....

   People in Vimy Ridge would say otherwise about the resolve and bravery of Canadians...

   I just changed my relationship status from "left hand" to "right hand"...

   Sorry sir...but your wife didn't make it.. ) : Was it*sniff*...lack of prayers on facebook? D : Yes sir...i'm afraid it was... ( ._.)

   I just saved a bunch of money on my sons college education by introducing him to weed...

   Some of you ladies need to take it easy on the make up. You look like you were the first person to pass out at an Avon party...

   Scratching off a lotto ticket before you leave the store is a good way of letting people know that your life isn't going according to plan....

   If you park in the 'C' section of the hospital parking lot...do you have to climb out of the sunroof?

   I have a USB drive on my keys so that if I'm ever dying in public I can hand it to a stranger and shout "Get this to the President before.."

   I don't know what's longer: a microwave minute or a treadmill minute...

   My car was stolen last night..I was going to call the police but then I thought 'nevermind...I'll let him try explain the bodies in the trunk...'

   If your grandma's furniture is wrapped in plastic... Well it's probably because she's a squirter...

   Ya know, "American Pie" ruined it for any kid who really did have an amazing story about band camp.

   A smile is way better than a duck face...

   It should really be called 'teethpaste'

   My friend said to me, "you should start drinking Ensure" and I said, "if I'm going replace a meal with a beverage its going to be beer..."

   Walk up in the club like "what's the wifi password here?"

   Why is there Head & Shoulders shampoo. who has hair on their shoulders. whos shampooing their shoulder hair. please come forward.