Baddie Funny Status Messages

   Has anyone ever tried to lead Sarah Jessica Parker to water?

   Hi remember me? I'm the guy you never bothered to say goodbye to you self-conceited b!tch. .

   Photoshop CS6 Beta has just been released, I know all the ugly people just excited.

   Some say I have the body of a 60 year old man, others say I have the body of a 13 year old girl. All I can say is, The police found nothing!

   I like to do nothing for people. Then when they say " Thanks for nothing", I say It was the least I could do.

   THINGS THAT ARE DAMN HARD TO FIND: 1. A phone on silent 2. Fat girl's clitoris 3. True love

   My girlfriend's phone space button is broken and she text me phonebrokenIwantanalternate I'm excited, but what is a ternate?

   Oh you don't like me? You should tell your 10 Twitter followers. That'll show me.

   Oh is it really raining outside? Please post a status update for all of us with no windows.

   I'd imagine that muslim sex dolls blow themselves up.

   Some people don't always get asked out on a date. But when they do, it's usually on April 1st.

   Knock, knock. Honey, have you finished taking pictures of yourself for facebook? Daddy needs to take a sh!t.

   That uneasy moment when you ask a midget what they want to be when they grow up.

   By the age of 60, the average black woman has spent 21900 days (3 years) scratching her weave.

   An 89 is just a 69 with a fat chick.

   Found some lovely shoes, almost new in fact, I don't know why anyone would throw them away. They were just sitting there outside the mosque.

   Just a thought: Do Muslims write OMA instead of OMG?

   Love is like a fart. If you have to force it, it's probably sh!t.

   It's hard to get the first kiss right. You want to be firm, but gentle; you want to be manly, but you don't want to wake her up.

   In a group picture, there is always the retard that does the peace sign.