Nobody Funny Status Messages

   You need a best friend you can have sex with.

   Dogs are tough I tell you...... I've been interrogating this one for hours and he still won't tell me who is a good boy.

   Rearrange the letters to spell an important part of the human body that is most useful when erect: PNESI [A. spine]

   Rose are red, Violets are blue, Babe you're single, Cause I am dumping you.

   My wife says it's disgusting to piss in the bath, I suppose I should wait until she gets out.

   "I'm 16 and my boyfriend is 40, is that bad?" ''You spelled dad wrong."

   There's a difference between being funny and being annoying.

   WANTED: A single girl who can cook, love and has a good Job. Must have a house and a car. Please send me pictures of your HOUSE and CAR.

   Men may have created fire but women have discovered the art of playing with it.

   In my dream, I was just about to have sex with Meagan Fox, but my alarm went off. You can say I got clock blocked.

   Mosquitoes are just vampire flies.

   I GOT ALL KINDS OF B1TCHES!!! German shepards, chihuahuas, dobermans, poodles...

   Put your crash helmet on love, because you're going through the headboard.

   I'm not suggesting Cher is a nazi, but at no point during 'If I could turn back time' does she think about killing Hitler.

   Sexual pleasure (When done right) is a passion to which all others are subordinate, but in which they all unite.

   Happy Birthday Weed!

   Two types of people that annoy me: Drunk people when I'm sober. Sober people when I'm drunk

   The stuff you do while you're procrastinating is what you should be doing for the rest of your life.

   I want to explore every inch and curve or your anatomy; I want to become fluent in YOUR body language.

   Someone who has a hard time keeping up with technology has added you on Google+