Gabe Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I was kidnapped by a gang of Mimes earlier!! They did unspeakable things to me...!
←Rate | 10-22-2020 18:38 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon Apparently I snore so loudly that it scares everyone in the car I'm driving...
←Rate | 02-22-2020 14:41 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon I got the kids Frozen yesterday... and the sperm bank only charged me $100 for doing it...
←Rate | 09-05-2015 08:30 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you ever see me jogging, please kill whatever is chasing me...
←Rate | 08-19-2020 15:09 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon After spending 20 minutes trying to get her bra off, I decided to give up. I wish I'd never put it on now...!
←Rate | 11-25-2020 18:12 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon Blowing on the vodka in my coffee cup to convince the rest of the Zoom meeting it's coffee...
←Rate | 12-09-2020 18:56 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon My trust issues first started when my mom said "Come here, I'm not gonna hit you"...
←Rate | 03-02-2019 08:56 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon With my luck, I'll be reincarnated as me again...
←Rate | 10-07-2020 12:29 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ran out of coffee this morning. Vodka seemed a reasonable replacement. Everyone is soo pretty this today...
←Rate | 11-08-2019 08:48 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife asked me to take her to one of those restaurants where they make the food in front of you. So I took her to Subway... and that's when the fight started...
←Rate | 08-26-2019 19:24 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hey! There's a new 90 minute comedy/variety show that starts tonight at 9pm! I believe it's called 'Fun with Mitt and Barack'... I don't know though, bet it gets cancelled after 3 shows...
←Rate | 10-03-2012 15:06 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon it still called a gas pedal on an electric car?
←Rate | 09-21-2020 17:08 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hey, you married people doing okay? I haven't heard "I'm so blessed" or He's my everything" for a few weeks now...
←Rate | 04-19-2020 08:33 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't drink and wrap presents. Also, if anyone gets a remote control for Christmas, I'm going to need that back...
←Rate | 12-02-2020 08:28 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't care how old I am. If a toy says "Try Me" on it, I'm pushing those buttons...
←Rate | 01-05-2020 09:10 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon Last year my friend left for Paris to go to Mime school and was never heard from again...
←Rate | 02-01-2022 08:59 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon Times are tough so once again I will be selling nude photos of myself. $5 to get one. $25 to get none...
←Rate | 10-05-2020 09:44 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon Blocked someone for correcting my grammer and it feelded so good...
←Rate | 01-22-2020 16:26 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon Did you know you don't need a parachute to skydive? You only need a parachute if you want to skydive twice...
←Rate | 06-20-2018 23:03 by Gabe Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'd like to cancel my 6 week trial of socialism please...
←Rate | 05-08-2020 11:58 by Gabe Comments (0)  




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