JEBI Funny Status Messages

   PSY does the gangnam style dance so much...don't you think he should've lost some weight by now?

   The most photographed red carpet in Hollywood is still Lindsay's.

   Some of you ladies need to take it easy on the make up. You look like you were the first person to pass out at an Avon party...

   I found a jacket that I wore in 2002 and found a Nokia 3220 in the pocket... It still has 2 bars left...

   I won't lie, I'd pay top dollar to just see Katy Perry work a jackhammer for a few minutes.

   Today is the American Thanksgiving or as we in Canada like to call it...Thursday. Happy Thanksgiving you funny people...

   I just explained Google images to my mom. "Pick anything to search for..." I told her. "What about a nice cream pie?" She asked... "Except that." I replied

   Women: When it comes to doggie style...men are behind you 100%

   Girlfriend: No, you hang up... Me: (click)

   If you plant a block of Ramen noodles in the ground and water it with Bud Lite it will grow into a college student named Todd who loves MMA...

   Lance Armstrong cheated this whole time? Yeah right...next thing you're going to tell me is that Subway's footlong sandwiches are only 11 inches long...silly people...

   I'm sorry Will and Kate...but every baby born is a prince or princess

   Well it turns out, the answer wasn't at the bottom of the bottle, I guess I'll have to check in the other 23...

   Yesterday I had to screw in a light bulb . Later, I crossed a road and walked into a bar. My life is a joke...

   I told my wife she just needed to embrace her mistakes. She wept softly...and then hugged me.

   Alright...who else is making plans to move to Colorado?

   Denver is going to be the mile "really" high city...

   I can tell people are judgemental just by looking at them...

   1920: "May I have this dance?" 1950: "Want to go to the drive-in?" 1980: "What's your sign?" 2012: "Here's a picture of my p eni$."

   My cat probably thinks I'm cleaning my ice cream...