mike Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Officer; "Sir, would you mind taking an alcohol test?" Me; "I have been testing alcohol all day so I don't see how one more test could hurt."
←Rate | 01-26-2013 10:29 by Mike Comments (0)  


   messageicon Nothing is more conflicting to men than an ugly woman with a really nice a$$.
←Rate | 01-21-2013 17:16 by Mike Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm not really sure who won the Powerball drawing-- but as my coworkers start to show up, I'm able to cross off my list of likely winners.
←Rate | 11-29-2012 18:58 by mike Comments (0)  


   messageicon Halo 4 comes out on election day? I hope my wife tells me who won the election....i'll be busy for the next week or so!
←Rate | 11-05-2012 05:35 by Mike Comments (0)  


   messageicon Tim Tebow may love Jesus, but it's pretty apparent that Jesus is NOT a Tebow fan.
←Rate | 03-20-2012 21:47 by Mike Comments (1)  


   messageicon Baskin Robbins called. They said, "Thanks to you, we're down to 5 flavors."
←Rate | 02-08-2012 19:37 by Mike Comments (0)  


   messageicon Have you heard about the new super-sensitive condoms? They hang around after the man leaves and talks to the woman
←Rate | 07-12-2011 15:45 by mike Comments (0)  


   messageicon ready for them to release the photo of Bin Laden. He wants to print T-shirts and mugs that say "This is the face of terrorism."
←Rate | 05-03-2011 06:34 by Mike Comments (0)  


   messageicon offering his new drink. It's the Bin Laden. It's two shots and a splash of water.
←Rate | 05-03-2011 06:31 by Mike Comments (0)  


   messageicon Got my umbrella taken away at gunpoint.....damn Burlington mall
←Rate | 04-25-2011 20:25 by Mike Comments (0)  


   messageicon I asked my significant other what time it was this evening and got the response of "5:54...5:53...5:52...". I guess next time I should remind her the microwave is on.
←Rate | 12-26-2010 22:57 by Mike Comments (0)  


   messageicon is hoping for some Salem style mayhem before having to sit through another Harry Potter snorefest.....Gandalf still owes me 8 bucks for the last one.
←Rate | 11-19-2010 05:04 by mike Comments (0)  


   messageicon thinking of celebrating Thanksgiving the old-fashioned way ...... I'll invite everyone in my neighborhood over to my house, have an enormous feast, then kill them and take their land.
←Rate | 11-08-2010 08:26 by Mike Comments (0)  


   messageicon Can't wait for my rent decrease!!!! Will it take effect as soon as the polls close, or will I have to wait until Jimmy is sworn in?
←Rate | 11-02-2010 05:20 by Mike Comments (0)  


   messageicon I saw some bright orange splatter on the drive home from DC....it was either a smashed pumpkin, or John Boehner--either way I assumed it was worthless and wasn't stopping
←Rate | 10-31-2010 19:20 by Mike Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wonders if getting excited in your car is considered autoerotic?
←Rate | 07-30-2010 15:15 by Mike Comments (0)  


   messageicon I am a good listener, just ask my TV.
←Rate | 07-08-2010 10:19 by Mike Comments (1)  


   messageicon The Orioles have been so bad for so long that MLB is now requiring them to take performance enhancing drugs
←Rate | 05-21-2010 12:22 by Mike Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Blonde men aren't dumb, they're evil. Like in the Karate Kid and World War II." - Bart Simpson
←Rate | 05-03-2010 19:48 by mike Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear BP: Animals soaking up the oil is not a spill response plan.
←Rate | 05-02-2010 08:34 by mike Comments (1)  




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