goodeolboy Funny Status Messages

   This status, is guaranteed not to be on an E Card

   It would be a good day if one could afford to even shoot their Ak ;)

   My number is #0. Which is good 'cause I'm from [insert home town] and you probably know it already

   Sweet Lord Almighty, thanks to this European Satellite that fell on top of my trailer, I can now cancel Direct Tv

   I would say that if my coworkers were picking on me they're leaving someone else alone, but these guys are multi-taskers.

   I've yet to check the status of my Lotto ticket. My biggest fear is that for last five hours here at work, I've put up with unnecessary bull****

   Somewhere over the US, there's a drone flying on autopilot.

   I know let's come out with some kind of fish product to mask the fact we've been serving horse-every fast food joint

   1.5% of my Chapstick is lost because I shave a little off every time I put the cap back on.

   Dear Parents, do your job, and quit having other people make your decisions for you. Buy your damn kids a dog without posting for likes. -The Whole Damn Internet

   I'm 7 1/2 hours into my 8hour workday, from here on out my payroll is for me and my family. You're welcome America!

   Common scence is knowing the chocolate bar I left in my work truck all day would be a melted mess. Starvation would be eating it anyways.

   Dear Tylenol, as a Father, I can respect the fact that you make your products child-proof. However, as a consumer with a splitting headache, I hate your fricken guts 'cause I can't open the damn packet with my fingers...

   Today is one of those days you want to crank the AC down to 68 and watch Braveheart.

   Dear McDonalds, Just to let you know, the first 60 seconds I obtain my French Fries they are like a box of fried deliciousness. However, after 61 seconds, they suddenly turn into rubber sticks of sh!t. Work on that

   Like if you remember the "yellow isle" at the local grocery store.

   Nothing says "SEXY" like your woman holding two fishing poles and a tackle box saying "Let's go!".

   ...but where I come from, rain is a good thing.

   Liking and commenting on the same status, gives me a false sence of notification.

   It's fend for yourself night and you know what that means...cold cereal for dinner.