Nunthewizr Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Why do your friends always wait until you breakup with someone to tell you that they thought they were ugly?
←Rate | 08-01-2013 10:36 by Nunthewizr Comments (0)  


   messageicon Today I watched a bee land on my arm. I let it sting me while I just stared at it and said, "Is it in yet?" just to make it feel insecure.
←Rate | 07-21-2013 19:38 by Nunthewizr Comments (0)  


   messageicon Advice to remember: when people say, "Word to the wise," they generally mean, "Word to the stupid."
←Rate | 07-21-2013 19:37 by Nunthewizr Comments (0)  


   messageicon Today's fun: Knock on random doors and say, "Hi, my name is Current Resident, and I've been told you're the jerk who has been opening all my mail."
←Rate | 07-21-2013 19:36 by Nunthewizr Comments (0)  


   messageicon The first rule of Thesaurus Club is you don't talk about, speak of, mention, discuss, or chat about Thesaurus Club.
←Rate | 07-21-2013 19:36 by Nunthewizr Comments (0)  


   messageicon Fool me once, shame on me. Wait no, it’s shame on you. I think. Anyways, next time I’m gonna stab you.......... a lot.
←Rate | 07-07-2013 19:45 by Nunthewizr Comments (0)  


   messageicon Things I'm confused by: how did Rub a Dub Dub, Three Men in a Tub become a nursery rhyme?
←Rate | 07-07-2013 19:43 by Nunthewizr Comments (1)  


   messageicon Whenever I select "Next day delivery" for an online purchase, I imagine all these people running around yelling, "Code Red. Code Red!!" and scurrying like crazy.
←Rate | 07-07-2013 19:42 by Nunthewizr Comments (0)  


   messageicon Currently pondering.....for a very curious monkey, why couldn't George ever figure out the name of the man in the yellow hat?
←Rate | 05-03-2013 22:51 by Nunthewizr Comments (0)  


   messageicon I love babies wearing sunglasses. They are like little tiny, blind jazz musicians.
←Rate | 05-03-2013 22:50 by Nunthewizr Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wonder if employees for pornography sites get into trouble for looking at non-related work websites during the day. We caught you misusing company time. CNN? Amazon? Bed Bath and Beyond? We're not paying you to look at that kind of crap.
←Rate | 05-03-2013 22:50 by Nunthewizr Comments (0)  


   messageicon I got a letter in the mail saying I was pre-approved for a Walmart Credit Card. Not sure if I should be honored or ashamed.
←Rate | 03-07-2013 20:21 by Nunthewizr Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wish giants existed because watching them walk into telephone wires would be entertaining.
←Rate | 12-21-2012 09:43 by Nunthewizr Comments (0)  


   messageicon Me: Wanna put on our capes and our undies over our pants and go stand on top of a building?
←Rate | 12-21-2012 09:41 by Nunthewizr Comments (0)  


   messageicon If getting into heaven is based on how many times you have tried to close the elevator door before someone else gets on, I am screwed.
←Rate | 12-21-2012 09:40 by Nunthewizr Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'll never judge or insult you because of your beliefs. I'm just kidding idiot.
←Rate | 12-21-2012 09:39 by Nunthewizr Comments (0)  


   messageicon Screw Olmpic soccer. If I wanted to watch somebody struggle to score for 90 mins I'd go watch old security tapes of me sitting at the bar.
←Rate | 08-10-2012 20:11 by Nunthewizr Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think Facebook should have a status limit per day. This is not Twitter, shut the f*ck up, nobody cares.
←Rate | 06-05-2012 23:31 by Nunthewizr Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think it's impossible to play the Wii without looking like you're competing in a relay race for the Special Olympics.
←Rate | 06-01-2012 21:41 by Nunthewizr Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just finished everything that I had on my To Do list for today which was just a drawing of a set of boobs on a Post It note.
←Rate | 06-01-2012 21:38 by Nunthewizr Comments (0)  




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