mike Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Baskin Robbins called. They said, "Thanks to you, we're down to 5 flavors."
←Rate | 02-08-2012 19:37 by Mike Comments (0)  


   messageicon Tim Tebow may love Jesus, but it's pretty apparent that Jesus is NOT a Tebow fan.
←Rate | 03-20-2012 21:47 by Mike Comments (1)  


   messageicon Halo 4 comes out on election day? I hope my wife tells me who won the election....i'll be busy for the next week or so!
←Rate | 11-05-2012 05:35 by Mike Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm not really sure who won the Powerball drawing-- but as my coworkers start to show up, I'm able to cross off my list of likely winners.
←Rate | 11-29-2012 18:58 by mike Comments (0)  


   messageicon Nothing is more conflicting to men than an ugly woman with a really nice a$$.
←Rate | 01-21-2013 17:16 by Mike Comments (0)  


   messageicon Officer; "Sir, would you mind taking an alcohol test?" Me; "I have been testing alcohol all day so I don't see how one more test could hurt."
←Rate | 01-26-2013 10:29 by Mike Comments (0)  


   messageicon I consider any gun that is pointed at me and fired with the intent to harm me to be an assault weapon.
←Rate | 01-27-2013 16:26 by Mike Comments (0)  


   messageicon my opinion on forced birth control has changed after watching one episode of Honey Boo Boo.
←Rate | 01-28-2013 08:15 by Mike Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ha ha, my dog ate one of my diuretics and is now pissing a circle around the neighbor's Corvette ...pretty sure this means that is now his car.
←Rate | 02-01-2013 10:31 by Mike Comments (0)  


   messageicon Today, I heard on the radio that Lucasfilm was working on a movie featuring Yoda. Can you imagine writing 90 minutes of dialog for Yoda? Insane the writers will be going.
←Rate | 02-06-2013 16:41 by mike Comments (0)  


   messageicon So pathetic when some people use Facebook as their drama diary. Every. Freakin. Day. If your life is really that bad, you should probably do something about it. No, whining on Facebook is not considered "something."
←Rate | 02-09-2013 14:08 by mike Comments (0)  


   messageicon JUST ANNOUNCED: The Pope is resigning at the end of the month. Sounds a little Joe Paterno-ish to me.
←Rate | 02-11-2013 06:08 by mike Comments (0)  


   messageicon Never text your wife and your gal pal at the same time...one misplaced "love you" can confuse everything
←Rate | 02-15-2013 15:07 by Mike Comments (0)  


   messageicon So, which Pope is your favorite going into the combine?
←Rate | 03-11-2013 19:52 by mike Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dennis Rodman now has more international relations experience than most of Congress. Let that sink in for a minute.
←Rate | 03-19-2013 19:22 by mike Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wesley Snipes was released from prison this week. Now he can finally begin filming "Blade 4: Twilight."
←Rate | 04-05-2013 21:04 by mike Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hope Manti's girlfriend likes San Diego.
←Rate | 04-27-2013 08:10 by mike Comments (0)  


   messageicon Do you think the fact that gorillas have big nostrils and big fingers are related in any way?
←Rate | 05-09-2013 17:12 by mike Comments (0)  


   messageicon Studies conclude that labs cause cancer in rats.
←Rate | 05-29-2013 14:46 by mike Comments (0)  


   messageicon My crash diet just crashed face first into a bacon double cheeseburger and a large order of fries.
←Rate | 09-04-2013 15:13 by Mike Comments (0)  




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