joser Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon If you see a burrito running down the street screaming "RAPE", please return him to me. He is totally overreacting.
←Rate | 04-15-2010 23:15 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon The best part of being me is that I'm not you...
←Rate | 04-15-2010 23:16 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon My lack of understanding does not compensate for your intelligence. Wait, what?
←Rate | 04-15-2010 23:16 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Drinking, smoking and fatty foods are taking too long to kill me. I had to fall in love again to speed-up the process.
←Rate | 04-15-2010 23:18 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear Physics, I don't want to solve your problems. I have my own thanks
←Rate | 04-15-2010 23:21 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon LIFE INSURANCE: a contract that keeps you poor so you can die rich
←Rate | 04-15-2010 23:22 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I died and went straight to hell, it would take me at least a week to realize I wasn't at work anymore
←Rate | 04-15-2010 23:26 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm guessing God had to change his password when the Mayan hacked his account and found out about 2012.
←Rate | 04-15-2010 23:28 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ahh Bud light the sweet lower calorie nectar made by mother nature
←Rate | 04-15-2010 23:32 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm getting a massage tonight, so I drew a treasure map on my stomach. It's pretty self explanatory.
←Rate | 04-16-2010 14:40 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon The attack on the Pope was really his own fault. After all he was wearing Axe Body Spray.
←Rate | 04-16-2010 14:41 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Tiger Woods has had sex with more women than my girlfriend will even let me be Facebook friends with.
←Rate | 04-16-2010 18:12 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Who is "Taxes" and "IRS"? Those jerks have been sending me junk mail for years.
←Rate | 04-16-2010 18:13 by Joser Comments (1)  


   messageicon I used to live in a residential building until a few hookers moved in on the 3rd floor - now it's a commercial building...
←Rate | 04-16-2010 20:10 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon want to know if sex toy manufacturers have product testers?
←Rate | 04-19-2010 18:20 by Joser Comments (1)  


   messageicon How can this census data be relevant when it doesn't ask whether I have a Palm Pre or an iPhone?
←Rate | 04-19-2010 18:21 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'd be lying if I said I didn't like Nickelback. I'd also be lying if I said I'd be lying if said I didn't like Nickelback.
←Rate | 04-19-2010 18:21 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Support your local record store today, because you can't roll a joint on a download b*tches.
←Rate | 04-19-2010 18:24 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Vodka is made from potatoes. Which means once upon a time, someone looked a potato and figured out how to drink it, Genius!
←Rate | 04-19-2010 18:47 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was just asked to touch base with a female co-worker on a project. I hope it's 2nd base...
←Rate | 04-19-2010 18:50 by Joser Comments (0)  




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