Sean Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon A cop with a drug sniffing dog said to me "This dog tells me you're on drugs." I said "I'm on drugs? You're the one talking to dogs
←Rate | 04-13-2011 09:12 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Apparently a good way to get asked to leave the gym is to move a treadmill behind a guy on a stationary bike and pretend you're angrily chasing him.
←Rate | 05-31-2013 15:29 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon FUN THING TO WRITE ON A POST CARD: "Weather is great, having tons of fun! Are you still planning to murder your mailman?"
←Rate | 08-14-2012 15:46 by SEAN Comments (1)  


   messageicon I'm not allowed to have any energy drinks until all the cat's hair grows back.
←Rate | 09-27-2014 15:32 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Apparently it is frowned upon to walk into a bank yelling “It's my Money and I want it now!” Thanks a lot J.G Wentworth
←Rate | 01-08-2011 12:36 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Piñatas are a great way to show kids that using assault with a deadly weapon is a fun way to get what they want.
←Rate | 08-08-2012 15:28 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon My fitness goal is just to get down to the weight that I lied about on my drivers license.
←Rate | 11-06-2012 14:18 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why no, stranger, I CAN'T believe how early it gets dark now despite the fact this phenomena has occurred every single year of my existence.
←Rate | 11-06-2012 14:20 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've never been interrogated, but I have ordered a sandwich at subway, so I think I'm prepared.
←Rate | 07-11-2012 09:55 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Unless you've figured out how to air condition your yard, don't invite me to your June or July outdoor weddings.
←Rate | 05-31-2012 10:23 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon A guy just yelled at me for texting and driving. I told him to get off my hood and mind his own business.
←Rate | 03-05-2012 17:23 by SEAN Comments (1)  


   messageicon I wish I was in a gang so I knew what do to with my hands in pictures.
←Rate | 10-17-2012 14:20 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon My divorce judge told me I needed to supply my xwife with a vehicle, I just UPSD'd her a broom
←Rate | 04-20-2011 14:30 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon One thing parenting has taught me- telling a kid they're tired is like telling a drunk person they're drunk. Anger and denial follows
←Rate | 11-06-2014 17:00 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon The best feeling in the world is when someone you hate tells a joke and nobody laughs.
←Rate | 02-05-2013 08:46 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon If it's true that opposites attract, I should be looking for someone that gets up early and does stuff.
←Rate | 12-16-2011 11:06 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you're genuinely surprised about Kim Kardashian getting divorced, I need to tell you something about Santa Claus...
←Rate | 11-03-2011 10:54 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wanna see new features on your TV that you never knew existed? Let a baby play with the remote for about 12 seconds.
←Rate | 10-15-2012 07:56 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just got a new Easy-Bake Oven for the blanket fort, don't tell me how to impress a woman.
←Rate | 06-13-2012 08:33 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Fun game: Borrow some tools from your neighbor and return them one by one covered in blood until they move.
←Rate | 09-19-2012 16:49 by SEAN Comments (0)  




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