@The69Sheriff Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Whenever I exit a public toilet... I make sweaty eye contact with the person waiting and say “Top that, cowboy.”
←Rate | 02-16-2011 12:21 by @The69Sheriff Comments (0)  


   messageicon I put my WELCOME mat on the inside of my house so the world doesn't seem so scary when I leave.
←Rate | 06-04-2011 23:25 by @The69Sheriff Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have an appointment with a specialist to look into my memory problems... and apparently, it was yesterday.
←Rate | 06-01-2011 16:07 by @The69Sheriff Comments (0)  


   messageicon How have Hoarders and Antique Roadshow not joined forces yet?
←Rate | 03-17-2011 15:17 by @The69Sheriff Comments (0)  


   messageicon the next time someone says "I don't know whether to laugh or cry"... kick 'em in the shins really hard so they'll know for sure.
←Rate | 02-03-2011 12:51 by @The69Sheriff Comments (0)  


   messageicon Shouldn't all the parking spots at Walmart be handicapped?
←Rate | 05-31-2011 15:57 by @The69Sheriff Comments (0)  


   messageicon What if love was like volleyball... all you have to do is call 'MINE!' and everyone else backs off...
←Rate | 04-14-2011 16:47 by @The69Sheriff Comments (0)  


   messageicon The doctor told me not to lift anything heavy... so I'm going to have to start sitting down when I pee.
←Rate | 03-24-2011 22:26 by @The69Sheriff Comments (0)  


   messageicon thinks the world would be a lot more fun if people screamed when they yawned...
←Rate | 01-07-2011 12:15 by @The69Sheriff Comments (1)  


   messageicon likes to believe the spell czech on my computer has never failed me.
←Rate | 01-19-2011 18:11 by @The69Sheriff Comments (0)  


   messageicon hates being asked if I've had any "past experience." Is there any other kind?
←Rate | 01-19-2011 18:12 by @The69Sheriff Comments (0)  


   messageicon I love those sayings that have 2 opposite words in them... Exact Estimate - Act Naturally - Small Crowd - Found Missing - Happily Married...
←Rate | 06-11-2011 18:43 by @The69Sheriff Comments (0)  


   messageicon Grandma... I know the words are similar but you "butt dialed" me... you didn't "booty call" me.
←Rate | 03-10-2011 12:39 by @The69Sheriff Comments (1)  


   messageicon Women can be funny sometimes... like when they say stuff like "Let's just be friends" or "Let me go and I won't tell the cops"
←Rate | 05-19-2011 16:03 by @The69Sheriff Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you listen closely... you can hear the gas pump tell your kids' college fund to go f*ck itself.
←Rate | 03-10-2011 12:33 by @The69Sheriff Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes I wish I could delete other people's Facebook Status updates.
←Rate | 04-14-2011 16:46 by @The69Sheriff Comments (0)  


   messageicon thinks you should always proof-read carefully to see if you any words out.
←Rate | 02-28-2011 12:47 by @The69Sheriff Comments (0)  


   messageicon No matter what your Chinese symbol tattoo says... I'm going to assume the translation is: "Please think I'm cool."
←Rate | 03-08-2011 14:13 by @The69Sheriff Comments (0)  


   messageicon thinks that Google Maps can skip a few steps when giving me directions... I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my own neighborhood.
←Rate | 02-27-2011 16:48 by @The69Sheriff Comments (0)  


   messageicon What do you think the employee discount is at the Dollar Store? Do you think it's 'just take it'?
←Rate | 08-19-2011 22:53 by @The69Sheriff Comments (0)  




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