@1_Jack_Jacko Funny Status Messages

   Your password must contain at least 8 letters, a capital, a plot, a protagonist with good character development, a twist and a happy ending

   How is McDonald's delivery not a thing yet? I can order a wife from another country but I can't get someone to bring me a Big Mac?

   Picking a president to vote for this term is like picking the STD that I would be the most okay with having

   My roommate is 3 days younger than me so ive gotten in the habit of saying “when I was your age..” and then describing what I did 3 days ago

   For those that don't know, I'm getting married on May 7th. Since it's short notice don't worry about bringing wedding gifts, just bring someone for me to marry. Thanks

   Apparently it's Monday today and it's sunny outside. Thanks everyone for that invaluable piece of information

   Phones nowadays are so expensive, when you fall and hear a crack, you pray it’s your leg.

   There's no telling what will come out a female's mouth when she's mad at you. You just gotta brace yourself and be ready for anything.

   So many baby mothers post up pictures of their kids everyday.. I'm watching them grow.. I'm technically their step dad

   This post is dedicated to whatever you’re ignoring in real life to read it.

   It's amazing how the brain works. I heard a song that I haven't heard in about ten years and I remembered it word for word. Yet when it came to my exams I barely even remembered how to hold my pen.

   Want to know the best way to make friends? Tell a woman you love her and she will say "I think we're just friends"

   Life is great... I don't have kids, aids or ebola.

   69... Some might call it nasty... I call it a romantic dinner for 2

   if my girl drops $50 while we're walking, then it's her lucky day because I'm picking it up and i'm going to be a great boyfriend and buy her lunch.....

   There are an alarming amount of people getting engaged or married on my Facebook recently. Got my brain ticking with how much thought and planning they must have put into it. I don't even know what I'm having for breakfast tomorrow let alone get married

   Your girlfriend could be dumb as anything but the minute you start arguing with her she'll turn into a lawyer with a degree from Cambridge

   My girlfriend wanted to talk to me about how childish I am but she didn't know the password to my pillow fort so she couldn't get in

   I'm drunk and I've got work tomorrow, but on the plus side. I'm having a great conversation with my dog

   My girl has been asleep for 14 hours now. I'm debating trying to wake her in case she's dead. But then again if I do wake her up I'll then be dead..