Tim Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I wasn't sure why the doctor prescribed LSD for my constipation, until I saw a f@#king dragon and sh!t myself.
←Rate | 04-27-2012 15:47 by tim Comments (0)  


   messageicon Did you know people are getting paid to mention products in their Facebook statuses?.....That's as crazy as the low low prices at Dave's Furniture Emporium
←Rate | 04-19-2012 03:20 by tim Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ultimate D**k move would be Bill Gates buying all the possible mega million combos. Theres only 176 million of them and he'd double his money unless there were other winners.
←Rate | 03-29-2012 21:02 by tim Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wifes new nickname is Karma
←Rate | 04-16-2011 22:57 by Tim Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just got my wifes Christmas gift. I hid it in the oven. She will never find it there!
←Rate | 11-18-2010 11:01 by Tim Comments (4)  


   messageicon needs some fresh air and regrets the decision to let the cat lick up the spilled Fiber One yogurt.
←Rate | 09-04-2010 18:27 by Tim Comments (0)  


   messageicon thinks his facebook has been hacked! I'm going to change my password to: titus_b12bomberraid.. That oughta do the trick!
←Rate | 05-06-2010 19:54 by Tim Comments (0)  


   messageicon Eating at KFC makes me feel sluggish, a little slow, and my eyes are droopy. I think it might be Double Down syndrome.
←Rate | 04-26-2010 12:22 by Tim Comments (0)  


   messageicon Did you say photographic memory or pornographic memory? I have one of those.
←Rate | 04-26-2010 09:46 by Tim Comments (0)  


   messageicon cleaning out his medicine cabinet of expired prescriptions with a glass of water and several mystery pills at a time.
←Rate | 04-23-2010 16:39 by Tim Comments (0)  


   messageicon God was the greatest inventor of all time. He took a rib from Adam and made a loudspeaker
←Rate | 04-17-2010 11:32 by Tim Comments (0)  


   messageicon In Texas, the words Texas & Taxes sound alike. This makes today confusing for them, I bet. I'm not concered, I already did my Texas.
←Rate | 04-15-2010 08:34 by Tim Comments (0)  


   messageicon "You want the booth?!? You can't handle the booth!" Jack Nicholson working at Perkins
←Rate | 04-11-2010 22:14 by Tim Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've got an empty coffee cup and no memory of drinking it. I don't put cream in my coffee, so I think that's a black out.
←Rate | 04-06-2010 23:42 by Tim Comments (0)  


   messageicon OCD's Anonymous meeting at my place. Anyone who feels compelled to clean up, go for it.
←Rate | 04-04-2010 10:06 by Tim Comments (0)  


   messageicon Yoda's last name Lay-he-hoo?
←Rate | 03-24-2010 00:38 by Tim Comments (0)  


   messageicon Am I the only one that found irony in Walmart having a whites sale this week?
←Rate | 03-22-2010 15:53 by Tim Comments (0)  


   messageicon thinks chihuahuas are really regular size dogs in tight skin. All that made it out was their eyes! That would explain why they're so angry.
←Rate | 03-21-2010 23:41 by Tim Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just got out of the shower and dried off with a Sham Wow! Think I'll slip into a Snuggie and watch some infomercials.
←Rate | 03-20-2010 20:17 by Tim Comments (0)  


   messageicon thinks that while many auto manufactures put the brakes on due to this global ressession, Toyota just kept on rollin'.
←Rate | 03-15-2010 10:45 by Tim Comments (0)  




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