Mike Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon You know it's resolution time when someone has to stop to rest on the way up the stairs TO the gym.....
←Rate | 01-04-2010 13:46 by mike Comments (0)  


   messageicon If your dog fits in your purse, send it back, it's a rat in a dog suit.
←Rate | 01-14-2010 09:24 by mike Comments (0)  


   messageicon So, I read today that NASCAR is getting fuel injection.... I also learned that when they hit 88 mph the new cars travel through time back to 1985, when the rest of us had fuel injection.
←Rate | 01-25-2010 22:48 by mike Comments (0)  


   messageicon Rubbing one out thinking about Wall-E and EVA in the throes of robo-love
←Rate | 03-11-2010 23:10 by Mike Comments (0)  


   messageicon the most successful people are those who are good at plan B.
←Rate | 03-17-2010 20:28 by Mike Comments (0)  


   messageicon ATTENTION VEGETARIANS: If God didn't want us to eat animals, he wouldn't have made them out of meat
←Rate | 04-06-2010 00:08 by mike Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear BP: Animals soaking up the oil is not a spill response plan.
←Rate | 05-02-2010 08:34 by mike Comments (1)  


   messageicon "Blonde men aren't dumb, they're evil. Like in the Karate Kid and World War II." - Bart Simpson
←Rate | 05-03-2010 19:48 by mike Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Orioles have been so bad for so long that MLB is now requiring them to take performance enhancing drugs
←Rate | 05-21-2010 12:22 by Mike Comments (0)  


   messageicon I am a good listener, just ask my TV.
←Rate | 07-08-2010 10:19 by Mike Comments (1)  


   messageicon Wonders if getting excited in your car is considered autoerotic?
←Rate | 07-30-2010 15:15 by Mike Comments (0)  


   messageicon I saw some bright orange splatter on the drive home from DC....it was either a smashed pumpkin, or John Boehner--either way I assumed it was worthless and wasn't stopping
←Rate | 10-31-2010 19:20 by Mike Comments (0)  


   messageicon Can't wait for my rent decrease!!!! Will it take effect as soon as the polls close, or will I have to wait until Jimmy is sworn in?
←Rate | 11-02-2010 05:20 by Mike Comments (0)  


   messageicon thinking of celebrating Thanksgiving the old-fashioned way ...... I'll invite everyone in my neighborhood over to my house, have an enormous feast, then kill them and take their land.
←Rate | 11-08-2010 08:26 by Mike Comments (0)  


   messageicon is hoping for some Salem style mayhem before having to sit through another Harry Potter snorefest.....Gandalf still owes me 8 bucks for the last one.
←Rate | 11-19-2010 05:04 by mike Comments (0)  


   messageicon I asked my significant other what time it was this evening and got the response of "5:54...5:53...5:52...". I guess next time I should remind her the microwave is on.
←Rate | 12-26-2010 22:57 by Mike Comments (0)  


   messageicon Got my umbrella taken away at gunpoint.....damn Burlington mall
←Rate | 04-25-2011 20:25 by Mike Comments (0)  


   messageicon offering his new drink. It's the Bin Laden. It's two shots and a splash of water.
←Rate | 05-03-2011 06:31 by Mike Comments (0)  


   messageicon ready for them to release the photo of Bin Laden. He wants to print T-shirts and mugs that say "This is the face of terrorism."
←Rate | 05-03-2011 06:34 by Mike Comments (0)  


   messageicon Have you heard about the new super-sensitive condoms? They hang around after the man leaves and talks to the woman
←Rate | 07-12-2011 15:45 by mike Comments (0)  




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