Mick Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Earlier this morning, I was invited to join a XXX facebook group. I was somewhat intrigued until I realized it was a group for guys who like to wear really big shirts.
←Rate | 05-04-2014 10:13 by Mick Comments (0)  


   messageicon If the temperature is 94°, yet it feels like 106°, then as far as I'm concerned, it's 106°...which explains my breaking all speed records in getting this ice cream home before it melts.
←Rate | 05-09-2014 08:20 by Mick Comments (0)  


   messageicon "You know, I wish I'd never gone to the pool that day." ~Marco Polo
←Rate | 05-25-2014 06:38 by Mick Comments (0)  


   messageicon I paid $12.50 for movie tickets. Forget that the people are noisy, the popcorn and drinks are overpriced, and the movie itself stinks....I wanna know why there was no cartoon.
←Rate | 05-25-2014 11:27 by Mick Comments (0)  


   messageicon I may be crazy, but I'm not, "Of course I'd lease an office in the new One World Trade Center" crazy.
←Rate | 03-05-2017 12:39 by Mick Comments (0)  


   messageicon Your kid is running around the store screaming at the top of his lungs annoying everyone and I'm the bad guy for tripping him?
←Rate | 03-05-2017 14:19 by Mick Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes you have to suffer a little bit in your youth to motivate yourself to succeed in later life. If Bill Gates had got laid in high school, do you think there'd be a Microsoft?
←Rate | 03-06-2017 13:28 by Mick Comments (0)  


   messageicon A guy just busted down my door and claimed to be a Bounty Hunter. I said, "You won't take me alive!" He looked at me as if I had two heads, then stole my paper towels.
←Rate | 03-07-2017 16:59 by Mick Comments (1)  


   messageicon Daylight Savings Time: I say start it on a Monday at 5 pm. You wouldn't lose the hour on Sunday, and it would shorten Monday.
←Rate | 03-08-2017 07:50 by Mick Comments (0)  


   messageicon "A Day Without A Woman" result: 90 % of all men reported fewer headaches.
←Rate | 03-08-2017 21:10 by Mick Comments (0)  


   messageicon Daylight Saving(s) Time.Sheesh. Gimme a break. Know what? I give it eight months.
←Rate | 03-13-2017 09:04 by Mick Comments (1)  


   messageicon Ladies, you're the syrup atop my waffles, the sizzle on my bacon and the cream in my coffee. What I'm saying is ur killing me.
←Rate | 03-14-2017 06:39 by Mick Comments (0)  


   messageicon I speak several languages besides English: British, Australian, Scottish and Welch.
←Rate | 03-14-2017 07:03 by Mick Comments (1)  


   messageicon When you think about how big the Earth is, then how small it is compared to the Sun, and how the Sun is just a speck of dust in the universe, it's easy to justify eating an entire chocolate cake.
←Rate | 03-14-2017 09:54 by Mick Comments (0)  


   messageicon Q. What's the difference between a Canadian and a canoe? A. The canoe will eventually tip.
←Rate | 03-16-2017 03:09 by Mick Comments (0)  


   messageicon The human soul weighs 1.3 lbs. I have no proof of this other than my friend who's an attorney saying that he weighed himself immediately before and after passing the Bar exam.
←Rate | 03-17-2017 13:18 by Mick Comments (0)  


   messageicon I need to lose weight. Baskin-Robbins just called my mom and told her because of me they're down to only 5 flavors.
←Rate | 03-21-2017 11:40 by Mick Comments (0)  


   messageicon My cannibal neighbors invited me over for dinner. They must've been upset that I was late. They gave me the cold shoulder.
←Rate | 03-22-2017 10:59 by Mick Comments (0)  


   messageicon When it comes to acronyms, I believe that DILLIGAF is right "up there" with NASA.
←Rate | 03-22-2017 18:02 by Mick Comments (0)  


   messageicon Folks who say, "I can't take all this drama", are the same ones who make Hollywood rich paying $15 to see it on a movie screen.
←Rate | 03-23-2017 21:12 by Mick Comments (0)  




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