bfinest Funny Status Messages

   When someone dies I never know what to say, but I think about all the horrible things I shouldn't say and hold them in.

   I'm all for abstinence to prevent teen pregnancies and all...But I really do believe that if I would've gotten laid when I was in High School my grades would've been alot better.

   It puts the lotion in the basket!-Me walking by Bath and Body Works in the mall

   Every Bond movie is like a porno that never happens.

   I think Christopher Nolan grew up on 60's Batman and his life's goal is to wipe it out...

   My ideal location to propose would be The Grand Canyon Skywalk...that way if she says "No'' I'll just push her over the bridge.

   Teenage girls usually get upset after discovering they are pregnant, so I console them. "Your boobs will get bigger!"

   If you didn't want me to do you then why were you saggin your pants?-Inmate 2541

   Who the hell watches Ellen Degeneres? she's almost as funny as the death of an immediate family member.

   Fun facebook prank:Upload a blank black picture then tag your darkest black friend ....Have fun ;D

   No doesn't mean no. No means work on the neck, the nipples try back in five minutes.-Daniel Tosh

   ''Plus size'' Woman = Beautiful...."Plus size'' Man= Fat ass

   Zimmerman's new lawyer has issued a statement stating that ''Mr.Zimmerman said that he is sorry for shooting and Killing Trayvon Martin and that it won't happen again''.

   While most of you will be at the theaters watching The Avengers tonight I will be in the confines of my own home watch The Avengers XXX which is a slightly different version of The Avengers

   "The Lucky One"?, More like the unlucky one's who get dragged to that movie by their gf or spouse.

   The further you stay from me the longer it takes me to reply to your text.

   The days when men knew how to treat women were the days when women knew their place.

   Am I the only one who thinks this Adalia Rose Bullsh!t needs to end?

   ‎"Don't judge me" means "read my Facebook profile but don't look at the pictures."

   i feel bad that Snooki's baby has gotten laid before I did *forever a virgin*