MM Funny Status Messages

   Get hoarders addicted to crack, they will sell all their stuff...

   I can't stand little kids, I know I was once one. But seriously can't stand them...

   Today is nation Sloth day, it should of been yesterday, but they didn't get around to it.

   Let her you care by grabbing anything off the CVS shelf with a heart on it.

   If I share my food with you, its either because I love you a lot, or because it fell on the floor and I don't want it...

   Wouldn't it be funny to secretly place a sex toy in someone else's yard sale then stand back and watch the reactions.

   With all the discounted Valentine's candy that's available, I like to call February 15th "Loner Halloween."

   I wish Facebook would notify me when people deleted me, that way I could like it...

   This summer everyone should wear sunscreen, so the person next to you won't get sunburned.

   I got to face the facts. My orange loser will never darken the doors of the white house ever again. Not even as a tourist.

   Why do atheist celebrate Christmas? Just stop it! You are making yourself look bad.

   I can't wait to have make up sex... I've been arguing with myself all day.

   I wonder how much it cost to pay off Michigans referees

   I just heard two lesbians arguing. One said "if you ain't cheating" let me smell your mouth...

   Thanks to the words "dude", "bro", and "man", I haven't said my best friends name in 10 years.

   They're called "Heated Seats" because "Rear Defroster" was already taken.

   Well, the people outside are frightful. And the traffic, is far from delightful. (blocking the intersection) since they got no place to go. people blow people blow people blow...

   It's funny when a Athiest needs a prayer they will ask for one. But when a Christian asks for one, they will be the first to make fun.

   Folks crying about $4 a gallon gas while in line for $6 coffee.

   Why do women always say they want a man with a stable job... What’s so glamorous about cleaning up after horses?