Fazzy Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I've resigned myself to the fact that if I start now, I'll have all my Christmas lights untangled and ready to go by December 24th.
←Rate | 02-17-2020 08:01 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hooters is not closing per se. It's going strictly delivery. It's changing its name to "Knockers"...
←Rate | 02-15-2020 23:44 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon The people in 1920 probably thought in 2020 we would have our own space ships and robots... but no. So far we've come up with two-sided tape and rubber bands shaped like animals.
←Rate | 02-04-2020 20:55 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Superbowl halftime show will go down in history as "The Vag Chronicles."
←Rate | 02-03-2020 06:37 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Folks who cheat on their taxes distress me greatly. This is NOT the world in which I want to raise my 26 dependents.
←Rate | 02-02-2020 16:40 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Back in 11th grade, a guy bugged me about his getting 10 times more girls than I got. I didn't care since 10x0 was still 0.
←Rate | 02-01-2020 05:32 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hey, I ain't bragging, but pretty much every pot I've ever watched has boiled.
←Rate | 01-27-2020 08:00 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon No disrespect to the Vatican, but the actual first Sunday in Ordinary Time is the first Sunday after the Super Bowl.
←Rate | 01-23-2020 20:41 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon I went to confession last week. Things in my life have apparently gotten way out of hand, and I mean WAY out. For my penance, the priest gave me 3 Hail Marys, 3 Our Fathers and a Crucifixion.
←Rate | 01-22-2020 15:54 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you really think about it, "F**k You" is a compliment.
←Rate | 01-22-2020 07:48 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wish all women online were in 3D. That's my apartment #. 3D
←Rate | 01-20-2020 12:22 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was yelled at by a Delta flight attendant for asking if I could change my seat away from a crying baby. Okay so the crying baby was mine.
←Rate | 01-18-2020 21:17 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Guilt is simply God's way of letting us know that we're having a real good time.
←Rate | 01-18-2020 21:14 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon My dog ate an entire bottle of Tums. I freaked out, so I called the veterinarian and asked him what I should do. He goes, "Take him out for Mexican?"
←Rate | 01-17-2020 17:08 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon The art of thinking can be a likened to a wonderful journey... as long as you begin it with a full tank of gas.
←Rate | 01-16-2020 06:58 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon My concerns with anything having to do with the Royal Family ended in 1776.
←Rate | 01-15-2020 16:50 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon NEWS FLASH! I was hired to proof read the original 10 Commandments. Well let me tell you that I found a big mistake with #7. It should have read: Thou shalt not omit adultery.
←Rate | 01-15-2020 03:57 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon I once had a dog who was the best watchdog ever. Well, he WOULDA been if a vacuum cleaner broke into the house.
←Rate | 01-13-2020 03:33 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon I went to buy a set of salad plates. I asked the saleslady at Ross if they had any 8" plates. She said, "Plates are like men." I asked, "How so?" She goes, "They say 8", but they're actually 6".
←Rate | 01-10-2020 06:31 by Fazzy Comments (0)  


   messageicon It finally dawned on me why I was bad at math. I noticed during school lunch that my sandwiches were only cut in half. The smart kids' sandwiches were cut into trapezoids and parallelograms.
←Rate | 01-08-2020 17:16 by Fazzy Comments (0)  




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